


You Can't Go Home Again revised

by BettyHT



Series: You Can't Go Home Again [1]
Category: Bonanza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 14:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16177268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BettyHT/pseuds/BettyHT
Summary: The first story about Bonanza I wrote.  It's revised to take care of some of the worst problems.  The first in the You Can't Go Home series.  Adam leaves and gets a career after suffering a terrible loss, lots of complications occur in Nevada before and after he attempts a return home.  Violence and suffering Adam.





	You Can't Go Home Again revised

You Can't Go Home revised

Chapter One

"Pa, I have to leave."

Ben replied softly, "Adam, you're just feeling low after what has happened between you and Laura. You need to give yourself time to heal from that, and you'll be fine. You love this land. It will always be part of you."

Quietly and without the fiery anger his eldest son often exhibited in an argument, Adam slowly turned from the roaring fire he had been stoking in the large fireplace that was the center of the great room of the Ponderosa ranch house. He slowly shook his head and said "It's not just Laura and Will. It hurt a lot that she would see him while betrothed to me, and it hurt more that my cousin would do that. I have forgiven them, and I know that Laura and I would not have been happy in the long run. But she never even tried to fight her feelings for Will and neither of them ever thought it was important to talk to me about what was happening."

Ben wanted to say something to soothe his son's hurt but before he could, quietly Adam spoke. "I loved Laura deeply, and despite doubts of our ability to get along well, we would have had a good marriage. But she betrayed me and she left me for Will. I love Peggy. I wanted so much to have a family and have her as my daughter." Seeing his father's eyebrows raised, he continued "I know what I said at the time, but it was just to smooth things over. There was no point in fighting—she was already gone from me. And with all the others I have loved, it always has ended with me alone."

"Son, you just need to give yourself more time. It will happen for you."

"Well, I'm not waiting for it. And there are all of these places I want to see and things I want to do. I love my family and I love this land so I will be back, but I just can't stay here now. I wanted to travel in the last two winters and you said no that you needed me back before spring and I wouldn't be able to do that and in that you were right, but it just makes this decision inevitable for me."

"Can't you just think about this a bit more. Take a trip to Salem or Sacramento? How about Denver? That is quite the town to see!"

"I've already booked passage out of San Francisco."

"Without telling me!" Now that was the bellowing roar that Hoss and Joe, eavesdropping on the porch had expected to hear. They had made a hasty retreat when Adam asked to speak with their father. They were well aware that was the usual prelude to an argument between the two stubborn men, but they didn't leave the door open a crack to hear as they thought the bellows and roars would give them all the information they needed. However most of the conversation had been so quiet until now that they hadn't figured out a darned thing. Never before had they heard Adam and their father have such a quiet argument. Heck, it was hard to hear a lot of what Adam had said, so they weren't sure exactly what the whole argument was about, but they knew it was a beaut when they walked casually in the door to see their father with that dark and dour expression and his eyebrows still all bunched up. What surprised them more was that his fists were clenched almost like he was going to hit someone. Hoss positioned himself so he could get between the two in case that was the situation.

"When will you be back?" It was a surrender, and they all knew it. It was also enough that now both younger brothers had an idea of what the two had been discussing. They had all known that this day was coming. Adam's curiosity and wanderlust could not be held in check indefinitely. When Ben had said no to Adam traveling the past two winters, Hoss had been sure that it only made it more likely that Adam would leave.

"I'm not sure. It may well be years. There is so much I want to do and to see. Pa, Joe wants what I have, and he can do it. He can handle the responsibility if you let him be a man. He can do buying trips and deal with the bankers and the brokers. He can work with the men, and give them the daily orders. He can handle the horses and the mill as well as the ranch ledgers."

Joe felt so proud at that moment that his brother had said these things about him, but he wasn't so sure he liked the idea of the ledgers.

"Hoss is a natural with the cattle side of our business. And he can probably handle the logging business better than I did because of his ability to get along with the loggers and speak to them in their own way. The mining will require you to hire a mining engineer if you want to keep expanding that part of the ranch, but much of the silver is already playing out so you might just want to let that go. Joe and Hoss dream of building the Ponderosa the same way that you do."

Hoss was hurting too much at the prospect of his brother leaving so that most of what Adam had said in praise of him was unheard. Joe, despite the unaccustomed praise from Adam, was starting to get angry because he could see how upset it was making their father.

"And you don't? Adam, you are part of everything here. Your blood and sweat is in every acre of the Ponderosa! And what about your family? Hasn't Pa taught you, like he taught us, that family is everything! How can you be so selfish and turn your back on all of us?"

"I know it hurts. It hurts me to even say it, but I have to leave. I cannot go on being a boy and a son when I want to be a man and be treated like one. That isn't going to happen with me staying here and maintaining the relationship Pa want me to have with him. I may be wrong in leaving and maybe I won't find what it is I'm looking for, but you all have to admit that you knew this day was coming. You have known this about me all along. It is not any more selfish for me to pursue my dream than it was for Pa to find his here." Looking at Hoss and Joe next, Adam continued. "Or for my brothers to accept our father's dream as their own and continue to build what he began."

In an unaccustomed display of affection, Adam put his arm around his father's shoulder and lowered his head there too, but it was an unusual conversation too. "I love you, but I have to go. Please?"

Ben could only shrug his shoulders as tears rolled down his cheeks. He would say goodbye to his eldest son and know that he might never see him again. He didn't want their parting to be on such a negative note, but his anger and sorrow were all mixed together and he couldn't bring himself to give his son his blessing. "When will you leave?

"I think now would be best. Prolonging it will only make it worse. I'll go to town and stay at the International House tonight and grab the first stage to San Francisco. If you want to see me off, we can have breakfast tomorrow morning. If you aren't there, I'll understand." There were no objections. "I have already instructed my broker on how I want my investments handled in my absence. There's enough in my personal account to cover expenses for perhaps as long as five years if I don't work anywhere to add to the balance."

Turning his back on Adam, Ben went to sit at his desk. He had so much weighing on his mind and his heart. Hoss and Joe were silent watching first their father's retreat to his desk as if it was a sanctuary, and then Adam as he went up the stairs to his room to pack a small bag. He came down the stairs to see his father just silently staring at the map of the Ponderosa behind his desk. He didn't react to hearing Adam come down the stairs and pause as both Joe and Hoss shrugged and walked outside.

"Goodbye, Pa."

Ben raised his hands and said nothing. Proceeding outside, Adam told his brothers he would ride Sport and leave him in the livery stable and they could pick him up whenever they were in town. Like their father, they said nothing as he rode away from the house. Once he was out of sight and the hoofbeats had faded away, Hoss said only one word and loudly.

"Damn!"

The next morning in town, only Hoss and Joe were there to see Adam off. Hoss slapped his brother on the back and told him that he better write or he'd get a whupping when he came back, or maybe Hoss would just track him down before he came home and whup him good. Joe added with a mischievous grin that they didn't want any of that flowery stuff or any poetry either like that stuff he was always reading, sometimes aloud much to the consternation of the rest of the family. Joe couldn't help himself: he told Adam that when he traveled he ought to use his smile more and his frown less because people liked him a whole lot better that way.

"With that ugly face of yours, you better be smiling or there aren't going to be any pretty gals looking your way!"

That statement suddenly darkened Adam's countenance, and Hoss wasn't surprised when Adam silently turned and climbed into the stagecoach with just a wistful look over his shoulder at his brothers and the town that had been his hometown since he was seven years old. Hoss had a revelation with his older brother's reaction.

"Is that what this is all about?" Hoss had noted the look on Adam's face and remembered some of what he had overheard his brother and father discussing. His thought was that it was that darn ninny Laura who had pushed Adam toward this decision. If he had married, Hoss doubted that he ever would have left no matter what was pulling at him to go. As far as he was concerned, Laura just continued to be a source of pain for his family.

Joe was on edge because of Adam leaving and wanted to know what Hoss meant. "What are you talking about anyway?"

"Well that darn Laura treated Adam bad when all he did was love her. Then I heard that after Rachel Green and Adam were dancing at the last social, her pa forbid her to be in his company ever again. But the real bad news is that he said all of that and more at the Silver Dollar so it was all over town the next day."

"What did he say? How bad could it be? That Adam is too serious, that he works too hard, that he is too book smart, that he thinks he's right all the time and darn it, most of the time he is. Of course he is kind of bossy, but most women are used to that in men."

"Mr. Green said that Adam is dangerous, and that he has killed a lot of men."

"But he only used his gun when he had no choice, and he always felt terrible about it afterwards."

"Well, he said Adam even killed a woman when he was young, and he hasn't stopped yet. He even said that many people think Adam was trying to kill you when he accidentally shot you."

"That's crazy talk. That woman back then was trying to kill Pa and started a fire. She would have killed all of us and a lot of others if Adam hadn't done what he did. It wasn't Adam's fault at all that she got trampled by trying to run away through the pasture after he came after her and then the cattle stampeded over her. And he would never hurt me or you or Pa. He just couldn't."

"Well we know that Joe, but Adam heard all that talk, and I think it made this all come to a head, and he thought the only way was to leave. He said he would be back, and we're just gonna have to trust him on that. C'mon, let's go get Sport so we can bring him home."

Both Joe and Hoss looked down the road where the departing stage had gone. They wondered how their brother fare all alone with the anguish and the guilt he carried. They had to hope that he could find a way to forgive himself for his mother's death from childbirth, from Ross' death, from the weakness he felt he had because of the torture at the hands of Kane in the desert, and for all the other mistakes he felt he had made that had hurt others. He carried all that inside, and it made him somber and distant much of the time almost as if he was afraid to love someone because he might lose them. His eyes sometimes looked haunted. He rarely smiled or laughed any more. He had worked hard and slept little. They wondered when he came back, what kind of Adam would he be. They both decided that they would pray for him that he would get his smile back and enjoy life again and not sink deeper into sadness and despair. They would have to wait and see if the Almighty would answer those prayers.

 

Chapter 2

The next day, Saturday, was one of those dreary days, rare in the high Sierras, when the sun was absent and the air was heavy. The fog persisted through most of the day. The threat of rain hung in the air but nothing happened. It was quiet at the breakfast table with all three lost in their own thoughts. Ben had spoken little and only when necessary. Hop Sing was in a foul mood and complained loudly as he went to and from the dining table. All could hear him in the kitchen too as he muttered loudly as he worked and banged pots and utensils around on the chance they didn't know how unhappy he was by his commentary.

"Is he hurt that Adam left without saying goodbye?"

Hoss answered when his Pa did not acknowledge the question. "No Joe. Adam said goodbye and gave Hop Sing a present. He just misses Adam." He paused then and looked at his father.

Ben slowly raised his eyes and looked at Joe. "He is angry with me. He blames me for Adam leaving. He also thinks I should have gone to town to see him off. I don't know what more I could have said to Adam; he made his feelings perfectly clear."

At that point, both Joe and Hoss knew how this would play out. Their Pa was putting the responsibility for this on Adam. It was probably because he felt guilty about and didn't want to face it. Adam had told Hoss that is how he thought it would go, but it was disappointing for Hoss to hear those words so soon. Before that conversation went any further, they heard a wagon outside. All three, curious, went to the door. It was the Greens, father and daughter, and they wanted to talk to Adam. Ben told them that Adam had left for San Francisco and the east and would not be home for years perhaps. At that, Frank Green just slumped in his seat.

"Never mind, we'll just be going home I guess."

"Nonsense." said Ben, "Come inside and have some coffee and warm up before the fire."

Looking at his daughter, Frank shrugged and reluctantly accepted Ben's offer of coffee and walked inside with him and Hoss. Rachel stayed outside. Joe walked up to her and asked if she was doing all right because she looked pale and frightened. She just asked if they could take a walk because she said she felt her world was falling apart at that moment, and that all her plans were in shambles. Joe guided Rachel in a short walk to the garden in back of the house and then had her sit on a bench there. She seemed like she was about to burst into tears but began to relax amid the beauty of the garden. She gradually began to think about smiling, and thought to herself that she was going to have to make the best of this and perhaps there was another option sitting there beside her.

Joe noticed the slight hint of smile and beamed at her. He had always been a little infatuated with her, but she always seemed more interested in men older than her. She was three years older than he was, and always seemed to be much more interested in Adam than in him. But Adam was gone and Joe was here so he thought that perhaps he had a chance with her now.

Suddenly she blurted out a shocking statement. "Joe, I have to tell you something. I told my father I think I might be going to have a baby and …" She broke down in tears before finishing what it was she had to say. Joe suddenly had a hard feeling in his heart and anger at Adam because he suspected he knew why they wanted to speak with Adam when they arrived. He was upset that he could have done this. Adam said he wanted a wife and children and now he ran out on this beautiful woman at the worst possible time. But he wondered if Adam knew.

Joe wrapped his arms around Rachel and held her as she cried into his chest.

"No man is going to want me now!"

Joe's hear went out to her at this point and he knew how he could make her feel better about herself. "Does Adam even know?"

"Oh, Joe, no, he doesn't, and he hasn't even seen me in quite a while. He's been so upset about things when I've tried to approach him in town, and he hasn't been by. I wanted to tell him but there wasn't a time when I could, so then I had to tell Papa. He was so upset he wanted to kill him, but I told him that Adam didn't know and I was as responsible as he was because I had chased after him and pestered him until he couldn't say no to me. It was terrible to have to admit it, but I did. I was a foolish girl. He doesn't love me. I know that, but now the baby."

"Please don't say any more. That baby is a Cartwright and has the right to be raised a Cartwright. Rachel, I have always wanted to be with you. I have always dreamed that you might want to be with me, and if your father will approve, I would like to court you starting right now."

Feigning shock, Rachel was delighted with this turn of events. She would have preferred Adam, but Joe would do. "Oh, he will approve. Oh, Joe, thank you so much. He…"

Joe placed a finger over her lips. "Shh .. that's all I wanted to hear. We'll go talk to your father right now."

Joe and Rachel walked hand-in-hand back to the ranch house. Ben and Frank Green had come outside, and Ben smiled to see the two of them emerge on the path at the side of the house. Frank just had a quizzical look. Joe quickly asked for permission to court Rachel, and with a pleading look from his only child, Frank agreed.

With his thoughts were in turmoil, Frank wondered if she had confided in Joe. He suspected that his daughter had not told him a completely truthful account of her condition, and he had hoped that a confrontation with the intimidating Adam Cartwright would have brought out the truth. He had thought there was a good chance that she had intended to manipulate Adam into an offer of marriage so now he wondered if she manipulating Joe as she had hoped to do with Adam. His daughter was good at twisting a story to suit her needs, and he wondered what she was trying to accomplish here. He wasn't even sure she was going to have a baby because he didn't know much about those kinds of things and he would have to try to have a meaningful conversation with her on the way home. Tomorrow Joe had asked to drive her to church. He only hoped that he could understand what was going on by then. Raising a daughter without a wife was turning out to be a daunting challenge.

Equally surprised by that turn of events was Ben who had no idea his youngest son was that interested in Rachel Green. She had pestered Adam so much that his oldest son had done various things to avoid being near her or always made sure to have someone else with him when the young woman was present. She had not seemed to have any interest in Joe until the day before, and the only thing that had changed was that Adam had left. He worried that there was more going on that he didn't know, and that worry was exacerbated by Joe's unwillingness to talk about it except in the most shallow of terms. Even Hoss' teasing had not gotten him to say much more than the obvious.

Joe was up early the next morning. He had barely slept. Worry about Rachel and some anger at his brother had occupied his mind too much to allow for much rest. He was sure he knew what had happened. There should have been a time when he wondered why he accepted what Rachel said without wondering why his brother who had such a strong moral character could possibly have done what he suspected. If Adam had been with her, he should have at least offered marriage to her. Joe had always been quick to anger and impulsive although also very caring. He was ready for church earlier than anyone and hitched the team to the buggy before going inside to grab a lap blanket in case it was needed. Hoss joshed him.

"Joe, you look like you're going to your wedding and not just to church."

"Well soon, I guess it could be both!" Joe left the house, hopped into the buggy, and drove off leaving Hoss standing in the doorway completely baffled.

Within a few weeks, Rachel told Joe she was not going to be a mother. She had been feeling very guilty over how she had misled Joe, and decided the only way to fix things was to break off her relationship with him. "Joe, I am not going to be a mother, well at least not now. And except for you and my daddy, no one knows what happened, so I think it was very gallant of you to want to help me but it isn't fair to you. I lost the baby. I guess that's pretty common when it's so early."

"Rachel, the time I have spent with you has been some of the best of my life. I think we're meant for each other. We laugh and talk and, well, you know." Joe was romantic but would never have forced an intimacy with Rachel, so their relationship was very respectable regardless of what the gossips in Virginia City had to say. "If you will have me, I want to continue to see you."

"Joe, I think that would be wonderful. You are the most kind and sensitive man I have ever known. I missed seeing that in you, and these last few weeks have been a revelation to me."

Joe pulled Rachel into an embrace and kissed her as Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck and responded with enthusiasm. The next months were full of picnics, long rides, and lots of dinners at the Ponderosa and in town. Six months after Joe began courting Rachel, Joe and Rachel were married. This wedding was the social event of the year in Virginia City. After the church wedding, a huge reception and party was held on the Ponderosa. Great slabs of beef were roasted, and long tables were crowded with the many dishes prepared by Hop Sing and his cousins who were brought in to help with the task of feeding a few hundred people. Colorful paper lanterns festooned the trees around the yard and hung from poles stuck in the ground where there were no trees to use.

Standing in the midst of the gaiety, Ben was awed by his youngest son's marriage, but saddened and a still had to admit he was a bit angry that his eldest son wasn't there and didn't even know what had happened. He knew it was too soon to expect a letter, but still couldn't find it in his heart to forgive what Adam had done. There were times he knew he was wrong to feel that way. He remembered being a young man with a dream and having that desire to break free and follow it. However over the years, his dream had changed and included his three sons inheriting the Ponderosa. He was having a difficult time adjusting to the change. His happiest thoughts were that there would likely soon be children on the Ponderosa again. Now if he could get Hoss to find a wife, then he could be happy that his dream would become a legacy. The plan was that Joe and Rachel would live in the ranch house until their home was ready. Joe had started to finish the cottage that at one time was to be his home with another. He had listened as Rachel described the home she wanted, and he made some changes in the house plans as a result.

Almost a month later, Joe hitched up the buggy on a Sunday afternoon after telling Rachel it was time to pack for the honeymoon. He put the bags in the back, and gratefully accepted a large basket of food from Hop Sing. Then he brought Rachel to the cottage. Flowers were in bloom around the small pond in front of the cottage. Matching rocking chairs were on the porch. When Rachel entered, she could not believe her eyes because the walls were robin egg blue, her favorite color. There were blankets with Native American design on the walls which was something she had told Joe once would be an attractive way to decorate. There were red roses in a vase on the dining table, and those were her favorite flower. Their bedroom was gorgeous, and next to their bedroom was another small room, a nursery, with a brand new cradle sitting in the center of the room. It still smelled sweetly of the pine that had been used to make it. Another older cradle crafted by Adam had been stored away at the Ponderosa. Joe had considered burning it in the fireplace but thought that if Adam ever returned, he might want it or perhaps someday Hoss might have need of it. On the mantel was Joe's treasured portrait of his mother, and next to it was a photograph of Rachel's mother. That was something they shared: both had grown up without a mother to guide them.

Rachel had gasped with almost overwhelming joy when she first crossed the threshold of her new home. Her husband was so handsome, and so rich. He was also so thoughtful and kind. When she saw how Joe had tried to create her dream for her, she began to fall even more deeply in love with him. He wrapped his arms around her, and she fell willingly into those arms. This was going to work out; well as long as Adam didn't come back as she wasn't sure how she would handle that situation. She well knew the oldest son's reputation for honesty and integrity, and also knew Joe's temper and sense of honor. If they ever met again, it was likely that her deception was going to be an issue which wasn't going to turn out well for her. However at that moment, her faith in God was strengthened: he did listen to prayers!

 

Chapter 3

Three years later: The man's buckskin jacket blended into the terrain so well the three men in the camp never knew he had been following them all day as they made their way through the Snake River valley. He wanted to be sure they were the ones he had tracked for the last month. In the steep rocky slopes, he had lost the trail and even though they appeared to be the ones, he had to get closer to be sure. He couldn't afford to make a mistake. If these were the men, he needed to confront them, and he knew he could die in the effort. That would only add to his tragic tale to die confronting the wrong outlaws so he slipped closer and closer as they set up their camp.

"Hey, Charlie, move that stack of wood closer to the fire. I don't want to be trudging around in the dark later looking for some darn wood stack. Get's dark early too on this slope. Sun's gonna be dropping below that ridge real soon and we need everything set up right before that happens."

"Hey, Sam, I got the beans cooking and the fire going. Ain't it about time for that fool kid to do something useful."

"He's taking care of the horses and fetching us some water. So just do as you're told."

The conversation confirmed it. The voices and the names matched his memory but caused a tremor to shake him for a moment. He steeled himself for what he had to do next even as those voices threatened to make all those horrific memories burst into his mind, and he just had to push them back down into the blackness where they belonged. Without conscious thought, his left hand reached up and rubbed across the nasty scar on his chest that could be felt even through the shirt. That was the scar that resulted from Sam's knife being ripped through his flesh, not to kill him but to make him weak and unable to fight back as his wife was assaulted before his eyes. She had looked at him with fear, pleading, and anger in her eyes, and all he had been able to do was watch and silently pray for both of them to have a quick release from their torment. It had gone on for far too long until her eyes held only pain, and then the spark of life fled as he watched laying on his side too weak to move or to say anything to offer her any comfort. He had relived those hours in his nightmares while asleep and sometimes while awake and was always overwhelmed with guilt for bringing her out west and putting her in danger. Those men had laughed at him in his helplessness and walked away, mounting up, and taking what little of value they had with them. They knew he would die of his injuries, and it had seemed to increase their pleasure to know he would die slowly with his wife's body in view the entire time. But he didn't die, and he was about to ensure that there was some balance in this world. He would deal with these men, and if he survived, he would find the others. His only reason to live any more was to get justice in any way he could.

Night falling was his friend. He waited until they ate, and relaxed. Then he moved slowly through the brush until he was close enough to hear them breathing. His childhood Paiute friend, Young Wolf, and his more recent stay with the Shoshoni had taught him many things about moving with stealth and grace through this terrain. He checked his pistol to be sure the chambers were all loaded and the barrel was clear. He held his double-barreled shotgun with his left hand. He had another pistol loaded and ready to go in a second holster that had a cross handed draw. He could drop the one he held now and draw the other in less than a second. He had practiced until he could do it. Carefully he moved, sometimes sideways, and relying on his peripheral vision to show him where to place his feet soundlessly. He knew never to look at the fire in order to keep the night vision intact. He knew never to look up at the lighter sky but to keep your eyes focused on the terrain. The technique was to put your toes down first and slowly lower your heel before making the next step. He had removed his boots when he had left his horse further down the slope. He walked in moccasins now. It was time.

"Surrender and I will take you into Pocatello to the sheriff."

There was a brief moment when he thought the three of them might just comply. They were frozen in place when this man dressed in mostly black and wearing a buckskin jacket stepped into the camp almost out of nowhere it seemed. But the hesitation was just that. Sam reacted first by jumping up and drawing his pistol, but a shotgun blast threw him back across his saddle before he even got halfway standing. Charlie dove for his rifle, turned, and tried to fire, but two pistol shots hit him in the chest and the throat. He died before he hit the ground. The kid was the slowest, and therefore the man had a chance to aim more carefully. The kid was hit in the right shoulder and dropped the pistol he had grabbed. He dropped to his knees and expected the death shot, but instead heard only the heavy breathing of the man. He looked up and the man sank to his knees and slowly raised a hand to his ribs, and it came away covered in blood.

"Damn. That hurts." Looking at the kid, he spoke in a rich baritone voice that showed no sign of the pain he had to be in. "Probably not as much as that shoulder of yours though. Can you feel your arm at all?"

"Yeah. It hurts a lot. I think I'm going to be sick."

"Lay down. As soon as I get some padding on the crease along my side, I'll see what I can do for you."

The kid fell more than lay down. He closed his eyes, and his breathing slowed.

"Well one less worry. He won't be a danger to me for now." The man walked over to their saddle bags and rummaged through them looking for anything to use as a bandage. His own saddlebags were on his horse but it was down the slope about one hundred yards. He was feeling dizzy from his own wound and didn't think he could make it down the slope without falling, and he had enough problems to deal with already. He found an old shirt but it looked clean enough and then found a small flask of whiskey. He sat down and laid back against Charlie's saddle and poured a generous portion of whiskey along his side. That did burn. His eyes watered, and when he awoke later, he realized he must have fainted. He didn't want to ever have to tell anyone that part of the story, but his side felt a little better and he pushed the padding in under his shirt and then buttoned it up tight and buttoned his vest to hold it all in place.

When he stood, he realized he was going to need to move more slowly because it took a minute for the campsite to stop spinning. It was nice to have the wood pile so close so he threw several more small logs on the fire. The he turned to look at the kid. He went to Charlie and pulled his shirt off of him and walked over to the kid. Taking the whisky flask out of his pocket, he poured it over the wound in the kid's shoulder. That woke him up, and he began to groan and then to cry out for his mama.

"Too late for that kid. You took up with the wrong men and made the wrong choices. Now you've got the consequences for that."

"You're the man we left for dead. I remember you. How can you be alive? You were laying there in a pool of your own blood when we left you on that slab of rock. Hey, mister, I hope you remember I didn't touch your lady. I didn't do anything."

"That's just it. You didn't do anything. Makes you as guilty as them. You could have done something to stop the men you partnered with but didn't. In the eyes of the law, you're just as guilty."

"I am so sorry. I was so scared."

He didn't know what to say to that. He had never expected repentance.

"Well if you truly mean that, where are the rest of the men who were with you that day? When I bring you into Pocatello, that could work in your favor that you agreed to help bring those men to justice."

"Last I heard they was headed to Morgan's place up by Bend. I don't know how long they planned to stay there."

"What are the other men's names?"

"Morgan Davis, and his brother Jeb Davis, and the other was Sam's brother Dru but I don't know the last name they were using because they kept changing it."

Settling the boy in his bedroll then, he secured all the weapons and ammunition he could find. He laid back against Charlie's saddle and fell asleep. The calls of birds and sun shining in his eyes woke him the next morning. He had slept longer than he had wanted to, but as he sat up, he knew why. He was dizzy, nauseous, and slightly feverish. Looking over at the kid whose eyes were staring sightlessly at the morning sky, he realized he must have died from blood loss in the night. What he had not realized in the darkness was an artery must have been nicked. There was too much blood by the boy for him to have had a chance. Maybe if he had been in better shape last night and had cauterized it, but he had barely been able to do what he had done.

All he could do now was to wrap the bodies in blankets and tie them in bundles over the saddles of their horses. When he had that done, he walked down the slope to retrieve his horse. Wrapping, saddling, loading, and walking brought almost to the stage of collapse from fatigue. He felt bad about the way he was treating these horses, but he needed to rest. If he didn't get over that ridge, he would be spending another night here so he pushed himself and the horses and rode until darkness hid the trail he needed to follow. The next few days were a blur as he pushed himself to get to Pocatello. It was a great relief to see those buildings finally.

As he rode through the little town on the way to the sheriff's office, he drew a small crowd. Three bodies on horseback were certainly enough reason to stir the curiosity of the townspeople. He walked into the sheriff's office and handed over papers to show that the men were wanted. He told the sheriff what he had done and what he knew of their identities. The sheriff rummaged through a stack of posters on his desk and grabbing about seven of them, he headed to the street to check the corpses. Pulling up the blanket on each one, he compared them to the posters and pulled two out of the stack, held them up and asked the man if he those looked like the men. He agreed that it appeared to be them.

"I don't have a poster on that little one. Might be one out there but I don't have it. Sam has a reward of $1000 total on his head and $200 more on Charlie Dean there. Wells Fargo and the railroads have been upping the ante on these two for a while hoping someone would put them out of business. Looks like you did. Now I need your name and I can send a scrip over to the bank so you can get paid."

"The name is Adam Cartwright, but I don't want nor need the money. It's not why I did this."

From a man lounging in a chair next to the wall across from the sheriff's desk, there was an interest in this man who had done quite a bit of his work. "Well you should take it because somebody's going to get it, and I'm guessing the sheriff here would know of someone who needs it hereabouts, and you can give it to them if you don't want it."

"And who are you?"

"I'm Marshall David King, and I've been tracking these men all the way from the Cimarron. Lost their trail and was just circling around trying to find a clue as to where they went. You wouldn't happen to know where the rest of them are?"

"Bend. And that's where I'm headed next. Sheriff, you got an idea of who could use this money?"

"The Shoshoni who recently got settled on a reservation here are having a hard time of it. Government rules make it hard for them to feed their people and keep everyone properly cared for. Giving them some money so they can buy some necessary foodstuffs from the store and from the ranches around here will help them a lot but also help the local folks too."

"That sounds like a good idea. The Shoshoni have helped me out a couple of times. Seems right to return the favor."

With that, he took the money and walked outside with Marshall King.

"I have a proposition for you. I can get you an appointment as a U.S. Marshall and we can hunt these men down together, within the law. And I don't think it's a good idea for you to try another crazy stunt like that last one you described. That sounded a lot like an attempt to get yourself killed. Must have a lot of pain inside of you or you don't care if you live or die. Working with me is the way if you really want to bring these men to justice."

That brought Adam to a quick stop. He thought it through though and realized King had made some accurate assumptions about him. He did want to do this within the law, and suddenly he realized he wanted to live through the experience as well. Then maybe he could go home and explain to his family what he had done, and why. He turned and offered his hand to Marshall King and agreed. King took his hand and gave him a strong handshake.

"Partners, Marshal Cartwright!"

 

Chapter 4

Four years later, Hoss was in town and Joey came running up to him with a telegram for his father. Joey couldn't help himself – he told Hoss that the whole family was gonna like that news. Joey's brother had gone to West Point several years previously, and he thought that anyone would be thrilled to know their brother was coming home even if it was for a visit because he knew he would be if his brother were coming home. Hoss searched in his pocket for a coin and put the telegram in his pocket, as he mounted Chubb and began the long ride home.

Ben read the telegram and Hoss couldn't follow all the expressions on his face. He asked to see the telegram because he wondered what could possibly be the cause of the turmoil, and when he read it, he felt a little conflict in his emotions too. Joe came bursting in the house with his usual noisy entrance but came to a sudden and quiet stop when he saw the looks on their faces because he couldn't tell whether he was going to console or congratulate someone by the looks on their faces.

"Your brother is coming home. He says that he's coming here for a 'visit'. He doesn't say for how long." Ben had a lot of hurt and anger in his head, but in his heart, he was relieved his son was alive and he was finally coming home. With no letters for so long and only rumors of his life, there was a lot he wanted to know. He wondered if his son would be willing to share what had happened, and he asked himself if he really wanted to know because some of it could be things he didn't want to know. The turmoil in his head and heart made it to his stomach and he had breathe deeply to settle down.

Joe got the same look on his face as his father. There was love but also anger and resentment. How could he just act as if all he knew wasn't already between them. All three men did not know quite what to say.

By the next week, when Adam rode into the yard, none had made any progress in sorting out their emotions.

"Welcome home Adam. We kept your stuff in storage and I had the boys put it all back in your old room. You can take what you want, and when you leave, we'll just store whatever is left."

"Shur is good to see ya older brother. I gotta get home now, but you can tell me all about your travels at dinner some night."

"Good to see you Adam. My wife and children are expecting me so I don't want to hang around here too long. It's good to see you."

Adam unpacked his saddlebags in his room. He was surprised and a little mystified at the reaction he had gotten. Anger he was expecting. Joy would have been welcome of course. But this kind, stilted reaction was stranger than anything he could have imagined. Whatever welcome Adam had expected or worried about, this was not it. They were polite, and nice, but no one said much of anything. Hands were shaken and there were smiles and welcomes, but at least there was none of the negative reactions he had feared might be there. He found it ironic that now that he was back and willing to share, his family had adopted more of his reserved way of behaving.

The dinner table each night was a somber place since his return. Sometimes Hoss and Joe would join Ben and Adam. Candy was there on occasion. All three of the younger men had wives who expected them home most evenings and none seemed anxious to have dinner with the prodigal son. The wives always found reasons they could not be at a meal with Adam. The tension at the table was uncomfortable for all. Candy seemed to have picked up on Joe's slight resentment of Adam and treated him politely but without any warmth. At the table with all five present, it was like waiting for a tornado to hit: there were dark, menacing clouds on the horizon but with a stillness that precedes the storm that was nerve-wracking.

Ben had yet to ask his son what he had been doing for seven years. He was reluctant to ask because maybe some parts of those dime novels which featured the bounty hunting exploits of his son and his friend David King might be true. Table talk was about what happened today and what were the plans for tomorrow on the ranch. The levity or gravity of those conversations of the past were gone. It was banal and just the way that most seemed to like it. It was sometimes trivial, but it was always safe. It would not cause tempers to flare and words to be said that could not be retrieved. Ben was afraid if he started asking any questions that is what would happen.

On the first days back, Adam had asked about Hoss, and Joe, and their wives and children. He learned that Hoss had nearly died, and that Joe's wife had been attacked by strangers, but had survived and recovered. He asked about the issues that had faced the ranch and how they had handled them.

Between Hoss and Joe, there were discussions about Adam, but neither had much of a discussion with Adam. Hoss remarked that his brother seem even more serious than he had been and that he never smiled. Joe said he thought he had always been that way. "But he used to get ornery, or uppity, or sometimes he just got silly, but now he never smiles, he's always serious, and he doesn't get angry at anything. He seems like a different person."

Hoss wanted so much to just grab his brother in a big bear hug but just didn't know if it would be welcome. After all, Laura had come back after her marriage to Will had ended, and Hoss had done all he could to help her and her son Joshua. Hoss felt responsible for the family, and with Adam gone and Will likely dead, he had to do it. Peggy was growing into a pretty young lady too, but hadn't forgotten all that Adam had taught her about riding: she was one of the best cowhands on the Ponderosa whenever Pa let her work. Hoss built Laura a nice house on the Ponderosa in a real pretty spot. He spent time with Josh, teaching him how to fish, and hunt, and work with the animals. The more time that he had spent with Laura, the more he wanted her to stay there and be part of the family. Her romance with Adam and her marriage to Will and all that had gone on during both of those things had changed her. She didn't complain but appreciated all that he did. She learned to do more for herself, but thought about the consequences before she acted. She became the sweet kind of gal that Hoss wanted as a sister, and they had long talks. With her help, Hoss was able to meet and marry a young lady and built another house not far from Laura's.

He and Laura had had one very serious talk one day. She had burst into tears when Hoss had said that Will ought to come back to see what a fine young man his son was growing into. Laura had burst into tears and run back into her house. Hoss had followed and gotten her to talk. In a voice just above a whisper, she admitted something that shocked Hoss. "Will left me because he couldn't stand to look at Joshua and think that he was Adam's son, every day, and be reminded of our treachery for him to be with me at the same time I was with Adam too." Hoss had swallowed and then swallowed again. Now he held that secret and wondered how he would ever talk to Adam and not let it slip.

Hoss remembered. Adam and Laura were engaged. Adam fell from the house he was building, but Will and Laura were riding up in the buggy to see it happen. After Adam's fall and during his nearly two-month confinement to a wheelchair, Will had helped Laura. At that time, Hoss had suspected there might have been something going on, but he had now found out it was true. Adam had been in Laura's bed, but during their engagement, Laura had also been with Will! She had said she loved one man, but fell in love with another. Hoss knew then the burden of guilt she had been carrying, and he knew too that it made no difference to him. She was different now, and she was sorry for what she had done. He told her he forgave her and he was sure the Almighty had too. She had asked him if he could please keep her secret, and he had pledged that he would do his best for her. He chuckled to remember the things that he had said about her once; not that he thought he had been wrong, but amazed how much this woman had changed and that's what he told her. Laura looked at him in amazement.

"How can you smile and even laugh after what I said to you?"

"Laura, I remember the way you were and I remember what I used to think about you then. But you are not that woman any more. It took you awhile, but you grew up. Your parents and Frank never let you learn to be a woman. You used to be a girl, but you aren't any more. You are a woman and a good mother. I want to help you, and I hope you find the right man along the way to be a father to these children. Ifn ya don't, ya know I'll be here to help out. None of that stuff that happened before matters at all if you don't want it to." As Peggy and Josh came busting into the kitchen after school, they found their mother and Hoss sitting at the table, his giant hand holding her small hand.

So now he wondered how could he talk to Adam when he knew all that about the woman who had wounded him so deeply. Hoss knew how much it had all hurt Adam even though he said it was all fine and he gave his blessing to Will and Laura. He did that. He always protected everyone else. And he could never tell Adam that Josh was his son although it was eating away at him that he wouldn't. Darn it. Josh was like his son now, and his dark hair and slender build could be attributed to Will so no one would suspect a thing. Josh's serious nature and his natural intelligence were the only clues but no one was likely to consider that Will wasn't his father based on only that. And Will had gone down to Mexico years ago, and by most reports, he had met a violent death so he would never be around to voice his suspicions. Hoss felt bad about it, but he treated Adam the same way his father did: he welcomed but was reticent.

Both Ben and Hoss both knew that Joe was seething about something. After Adam left, Joe became his father's right hand. He worked hard at it and helped the Ponderosa grow and develop. He was worried that Adam's return threatened all that. By Joe's thinking he was gone for seven years with hardly a word from him the last several years so he wondered why he had come back now. Joe loved his brother but was afraid that his return could unleash forces that could tear the family apart. He said little about this, but his few terse comments had been heard by Adam as well as by Ben and Hoss. Ben and Hoss knew an explosion was coming, and it needed a spark to set it off.

At dinner one evening as usual, they tried to make light conversation. Nothing of import was said, and no questions were asked either as if no one cared why Adam was gone seven years and now had come back. Then Candy suggested that they all go to town because the Silver Dollar had a new owner, a beautiful woman, and the place was busier and livelier than it had ever been.

"They say she's so pretty it near hurts your eyes. She's blond and she's tall, and she's really the nicest gal you ever met. But they say she's spoken for too."

Hoss reminded him that they were married, but "What a lucky man! A gal that's pretty and runs her own business too. Heck if that was Marie, I could fish every day! When she came home from working, I could have a big ole trout lying on a platter surrounded by taters and carrots, and we could have some big ole bread rolls to go with it. Boy howdy! I'm making myself hungry all over again."

"Everything with you Hoss just has to be about food sooner or later!" Joe started to giggle and soon Candy joined in. When he caught his breath again, he again asked if they were going. "Heck even if I'm married like you and Joe, we can still look at the scenery!"

Ben declined, but encouraged the other four to go, and with a slight nod of his head, Adam agreed. He had been doing what had become routine for him since his return: he lounged quietly in the background but observed everything. He had shown significantly more interest when the new saloon owner was discussed, but as usual, none were paying much attention to him and only Hoss noticed that his interest in a trip to the saloon increased after that information was shared. Candy was not satisfied with just the four of them. He continued to push Ben to come with them.

"Heck, Joe and Adam have water wagons positioned all over the ranch to help with the drought. Hoss has got all the cattle rounded up for the drive that doesn't start for two more days. Then we'll have four weeks on the trail. You need to come with us and have some fun. We'll come home early so you get a good night's rest." Candy had that cheeky grin of his in place for the last part.

Ben couldn't resist the pressure of Candy with Joe and Hoss to back him up. "Well how can we go? I don't see any horses saddled up!" They laughed and went to saddle their horses. Adam followed behind and quietly closed the door to the great room.

 

Chapter 5

Almost to Virginia City, Cochise started favoring her right foreleg, and all of them slowed to a walk. Cochise seemed fine then, and Joe said he would hire a horse from the stable for the return trip. Everyone could see the relief on Joe's face that there was nothing seriously wrong with his equine friend. Candy rode beside Joe, and both kept checking on Cochise. As long as they kept walking, he was not favoring the leg. Ben followed closely behind and agreed with their assessment that it wasn't serious. Ben said Charlie at the livery stable was as good as anyone with taking care of a horse and he would pay him a bit extra to care for Cochise.

Hoss dropped back a bit to ride next to Adam. Hoss had observed Adam's reaction to the saloon owner, and it made him curious. "Adam I was wondering if that was a hint of a smile I saw when Candy mentioned the new saloon owner? Now why was that?"

"Well I think that may be my lady friend, and if I'm right, this is going to be a very pleasant evening."

Hoss almost jumped in surprise, and Adam had to laugh at his reaction. That got all three of the other riders to turn and wonder what had happened. Adam never laughed. Heck he never even smiled, or so they thought. None realized that it was their behavior that had caused this to be true.

"What's going on back there?"

"Oh Adam's just joshing me!" A pause and then "You were just joshing me, weren't you?"

"Not at all. Her name is Ann, and I have known her for many years, but it is only recently that we have been reacquainted. And I am very much looking forward to seeing her tonight. A friendly face and a smile isn't something I've seen in the last few weeks."

Hoss felt a little guilty about that. But what he said was, "Darn, Adam, you are just full of secrets aren't you?"

"Not secrets Hoss. Just answers to questions that no one has asked. That was the first question about my life that anyone has asked since I got back. It's what made me decide finally that this is just a visit. This isn't my home any more. This is where my father and my brothers live."

"Where is your home then? Do you have one if you deny this one is yours?"

"I have several properties. I've asked Ann to marry me. Then she and her son and I can live on one of the ranches I own. The one in Stockton isn't too far away so that might be the one. Her sister Darcy is married to my best friend and partner, and they own property near there too."

Hoss had to consciously close his mouth because it was hanging open. "Your partner? For real? In what?"

"David King and I are U.S. Marshals, and we have been working together for four years now. We are not the bounty hunters as portrayed in that dime novel trash."

"Her son?"

"Jacob. He's seven years old. I think he might be my son too, but Ann hasn't shared that information yet."

"Adam if you tell me much more, my head is gonna bust open like a watermelon that is just too darn ripe. How could you have a seven year old son?" Hoss' thoughts went to Joshua who was seven years old. This had to be from a liaison from just before Laura.

"Hoss do you remember when that man Tom used my identity to buy a horse and get money from the bank? Well Ann is the lady I met when I tracked him down. We searched for him together and found he was dead. We set a trap for those who did it, and the sheriff got them all."

Hoss laughing now "Well you musta done more than that."

Adam grinned the full dimpled grin at that.

"Why didn't you marry her then?"

"I let my pride get in the way, and neither of us knew at parting that she was with child."

"But you said she didn't say he was your son."

"She would only be with someone she loved. By the timing of it all, I think I have to be the father. The only other possibility would be Tom, but I don't know if they had that kind of relationship. I hope not. Jacob has black wavy hair, hazel eyes, dimples, and well you know, he just looks a lot like me already. Back then, things just seemed to move on, and I never tried to contact her again, even though I thought of her often. She is beautiful, but smart and strong too."

"But if Tom looked enough like you to make people sell him a horse and give him a bank draft, then wouldn't his son likely look like you too."

"It could be, but I hope not."

"Well, gosh, how did you two get back together after all this time?"

"About six months ago, I decided to go see her. She had this shocked expression on her face, but when I asked if she had a man, she just rushed into my arms and kissed me and said "Now I do!"

"Holy cow! Well what in tarnation made you go see her after all this time?"

"David's wife, who also owns a saloon but with two partners, mentioned that her sister was planning to buy a second saloon and needed someone to run it as a partner with her. The more they talked, the more I realized it was Ann, so I asked questions and then they both looked at me and said

"You're Adam!"

And I said "Of course, you already have known me for years."

But Darcy said "No you must be the Adam she is always talking about. The classy cowboy she drove away with her 'foolishness', although she never said what she did that was foolish. They said that she never married because no one could ever match what she had found with 'Adam'."

"Adam how did you end up partnering with David King? You left here to travel and such – how did you end up a U.S. Marshal and why?"

"Hoss I don't think I can explain all of that before we get to Virginia City. I am not sure if I could tell that whole story to anyone. I couldn't tell Ann. There is my journal of all of it, and Ann has read that. She is only one of few who has so she knows my story. David knows too. You can read the journal or talk to Ann and David if you wish."

The mood had turned very somber. Hoss wasn't so sure he wanted to read that journal if it caused such a pained expression on his brother's face just to mention it. Hoss knew there must be terrible secrets in that journal and he didn't think he needed any more material for awful nightmares. However, if he wanted to know his brother again, he would have to read it. So quietly he said "Yes, I need to read that journal some time." After a pause and Adam nodding to him, he had another question. "Dadburnit, how did you end up a bounty hunter in those books? Can you tell me that?"

"Yes, well, the short version is that I was after some men who did some horrible things." As Adam paused, Hoss noted the same pained expression and guessed that somehow Adam was tied to those 'horrible things' and that he was after those men because of that. "I came upon three of them camped near the Snake River. I took my pistols and a shotgun and stormed into the camp demanding that they surrender. Of course they didn't, so I shot them. Two were killed, but the third one lingered. With medical help, he might have made it, but I was nursing a bullet wound along my ribs, and the blood loss before I got it bandaged up caused me to be too weak to do much for him. By the next day, the man was dead, but the pain and the fear and probably a load of guilt had made him repent. He had told me where to find more of the gang. When I brought the bodies in to Pocatello, I found that the men had a bounty on them. The sheriff wanted me to take it, but I refused. Then David spoke up and said he was a marshal and had been tracking that bunch. He had tracked them from the Cimarron all the way to Pocatello and then lost the trail. He told me to take the money. He said he was sure the sheriff knew a family or two or someone who could use it. So I did and he did. The sheriff said that the ones who could use it most were the Shoshoni over on the Fort Hall reservation. Many were having a tough time adjusting to life there with the rules the government imposed. Well I perked up at the chance to help some Shoshoni because they had saved my life twice. So I walked out with David and a wad of cash. Three bodies draped across three horses had already drawn a crowd. Some writer in the crowd drew all the wrong conclusions. But the story was written and later he never would change it because the truth doesn't matter to these people."

"So how did you become a Marshal?"

"Because David wanted to get those men too, he offered me a job as a U.S. Marshal and said he could get my appointment approved right away. I asked why and he said that we were tracking the same gang, so why not work together and within the law. Then he said 'Besides, I don't want you trying to commit suicide with another stupid stunt like that last one.' I realized at that moment that he was right and decided to live until all those men faced justice. That was most of the last four years, until I took some time off to go see Ann."

"What about before then?"

"When you read the journal, you'll know that."

 

Chapter 6

The lights of town were close. Even Cochise seemed to perk up and the four Cartwrights and Candy all rode into Virginia City. As the five men entered the saloon, Ann greeted them and took Ben and Joe by the elbow and guided them to a table. Her sultry voice and beautiful smile charmed them all. Hoss and Candy grabbed chairs and sat down with the others. Ann smiled and said the first drink was on the house because of the good company they kept. They all smiled with pride at each other, with Candy and Joe thinking she was speaking of them of course. Hoss and then the other three looked back at the door where Adam just stood. He placed his hat on the bar and quietly waited. Then Ann walked slowly up to Adam who smiled down at her, and wrapped his arms around her waist.

Candy was shocked. He had never seen that famous grin. "Heck he looks like the canary that swallowed the cat!"

Ann spoke softly to Adam. "Marshall, you don't look very surprised."

"Well news of a beautiful, tall, blond saloon owner in town traveled swiftly."

Ann stepped in closer and wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed him. Adam's arms pressed her into him as he drew her into a deep kiss.

"Well I'd like to know what he said to her because I would say the exact same thing to my wife if she would kiss me like that!" Candy was impressed. Ben and Joe were shocked. Adam was smiling and kissing a beautiful woman and didn't seem to care a bit what others thought. Hoss had a knowing smile on his face. His brother had always been good at surprises.

Henry Cates was sitting at a table playing cards and he was incensed. "She said she had a man, and then she just falls over that long lost Cartwright just because he's got money. She wouldn't give me a kiss or even a hug. Well, I'm going to get one now." He pushed away from the table and started to move toward Adam and Ann. As he approached, a man pushed away from the bar and intercepted him.

"You don't want to do that!"

"But . . ."

"She's taken and that's her man. Don't mess with him because you wouldn't like at all what would happen next."

David King was quiet but firm and allowed his badge to show from under his vest. His voice was just above a whisper but deadly sounding so Henry stopped. He may have been a bit inebriated but not enough to be stupid. He still knew a threat when he heard one.

"Why don't you let me buy you a beer?" So David and Henry had a beer. Henry's friends came up to hear the story. Henry said he could take Adam because he was 'taller and bigger than that Cartwright'. His friends told him that is why he lost fights and had his nose broken so often: he was a poor judge of his opponents.

Unaware of any of this, Ann told Adam that she had a room upstairs. "It's a very nice room with a very big bed."

Noticing that she was holding back a bit of a grin, Adam suspected there was more to the story and had a good idea what it was. "And I suppose there might be a small dark haired boy curled up in the middle of it reading a book."

"Well, yes, that may be true."

Shaking his head a little, Adam smiled fondly at her and nodded at David. David had and would take care of any trouble if it happened. Adam and Ann walked through the saloon and into the hotel, and then arm-in-arm, they climbed the stairs.

Ben was incensed. "Did you see that? They are going up to her room, and he doesn't care who knows."

"Pa, everything is alright." Ben never heard him and suddenly Hoss wasn't sure how much he should say. By telling him, he wondered if Adam had given him permission to share the information with the others, or if he was breaking a trust with his brother by saying something. Unsure of which was true, he said nothing because he decided that now was not a time when he could find out. He just sat in uncomfortable silence as his father seethed, and Joe and Candy looked everywhere in the room but at Ben. They had another drink, but for a bit, there was no laughter and little talk at their table.

As David looked over at that scene, he knew it did not portend good results for his friend. He walked over and got his guitar where it was leaning against the wall next to the piano, and started to play some tunes. Some he had learned in the War and some from his travels. Some songs were tender-hearted ballads and some were fighting songs. A few were bawdy saloon drinking songs. Men and saloon girls recognized the tunes and David encouraged them to sing along to the ones they knew.

One of Henry's friends said he remembered a saloon in Stockton where he had gotten drunk once, and there had been two men there playing guitar and singing. They had a grand time. He said this marshal looked a lot like one of those two guitar-playing singers. He would have been quite surprised if he had realized that it was the same man, and the other one was upstairs having a grand time there visiting with Ann and Jacob. What they did know was that they were going to like how the new saloon owner ran the place even if she was already spoken for.

At about 10, Adam came walking quietly into the saloon. Ann walked in just a few minutes behind. Both walked up to David at the bar.

"Anything interesting been happening here? I thought I heard music playing."

"That's what the ladies always say when they're with me." And that got Adam an elbow to the ribs from Ann.

"Hey I have a cattle drive to work in two days, so take it easy on the ribs." But he grinned down at her, and she leaned back into him.

"It was fun playing the guitar and singing again, but it would have been nice to have a backup singer and somebody to play some chords to fill in around my melody." And David laughed at the expression on Adam's face to be described as the second fiddle to his lead singing and guitar playing.

"Well maybe we can find some tone-deaf old boozer who wouldn't mind all those missed notes and the singing that at its best is usually a half note flat."

"Touché, my friend."

"So things are going well enough that you are joining your family on a cattle drive?"

The darkening of Adam's expression meant that his words wouldn't be necessary. "They're short-handed so I said I would help get the cattle to Sacramento. I'll need to be careful though because there are at least three sets of eyes over there that shoot daggers at me much of the time. Not Hoss though: he's always been the one I had the strongest relationship with, but I feel that Pa and Joe would rather see me leave again. Everything they say and do sends me the same message."

Ann was sympathetic. "I'm sorry it didn't work out. I had the feeling that you were ready to resign the marshal's position and settle some place. This isn't the place nor the time then I guess. Will you go back to Stockton?"

"Probably, but I haven't made up my mind yet. It all depends on whether a certain lady will accept my proposal and come with me." Ann knew she needed to give Adam an answer soon. He was being very gracious in giving her time to decide what was best for her and for Jacob. He smiled at her and changed the subject. "All the talk on the Ponderosa was to come see you tonight so you better play hostess a little with my surly companions or it will just be one more thing that they dislike about me."

As a result, the evening ended with Ann playing her role as hostess and flattering the gentlemen in the saloon and laying enough blarney on them that they would all go home feeling like they had just grown a little taller. David and Adam quietly conversed at the bar until it was time to go. When Adam saw Ben signal the table near midnight that he was ready to go, he walked over and wrapped his arm around Ann's waist and said good night while promising to come see her in about three weeks or so when the drive was over. He hoped she would have an answer for him by then.

 

Chapter 7

Monday, the first day of the cattle drive, started with a clear sky and mild winds. Up in the hills though it looked like a storm brewing with towering clouds whose shape showed that there were strong winds there. Joe and Adam stood next to the corral and stared at the mountains.

"I hope we have enough water if there's lightning in that storm and no rain."

"Joe, you did a fine job positioning the water wagons where they would do the most good. The rest of it will be luck."

Joe smiled at the praise. Adam had worked with him on the plan for the wagons, and had helped get them all into position. At first, Joe had been concerned that Adam would try to boss him on that task, but Adam had graciously acquiesced to Joe's more recent knowledge of the conditions on the ranch. He had offered advice only on how best to use the hose that they had to get the best results from the water wagons. With his engineering background that made sense to Joe anyway.

But with the threat of lightning strikes on the Ponderosa with the drought conditions, a number of men had to stay behind, and Adam had agreed to help on the cattle drive. Joe was still worried about that. On all previous drives when Adam had been home, he had always been trail boss or ramrod. He wondered how Adam would he react to taking orders from his younger brothers.

"Pa, you shouldn't be going." Hoss followed his father out of the house and headed toward the barn. Ben was dressed for a drive with chaps, an extra large bandana, and a bulging saddlebag.

"What, cattle drives are only for young men!?" Ben worried what would happen on the drive with his three sons, so he wanted to be there to handle things. "I'll be trail boss, and Joe will be ramrod. Hoss, that leaves you as my assistant to handle getting the chuckwagon where we need it when we need it, scout the crossings for the cattle, and find suitable sites for each night. I'll set the schedule and make lists of men for each crew."

"What do you want me to do?" Adam waited for his assignment.

"You're in charge of the men riding drag."

Both Hoss and Joe cringed at that because the job was for new hands and greenhorns. It was hot, demanding work that was done in the clouds of dust stirred up by a thousand or more cattle. They had to wonder again if their Pa was testing Adam or trying to get him to quit before the drive started. As they looked at Adam, his face was as impassive as stone. They could only guess at what passed behind those dark eyes, and what they imagined was mostly accurate. But he wouldn't quit because he said he would help get those cattle to Sacramento so that is what he would do. But any hope of reconciliation with his father had just suffered a devastating blow.

"All right then. I'm saddled up. I will meet you at the herd." All delivered in a monotone and perfect stated sentences before Adam swung up on his horse, wheeled around, and rode out.

"Pa, are you sure you want to do that to Adam? He has a lot of experience, and putting him on drag is just wasting that."

"Hoss, Adam has not been on a drive for seven years. He needs to earn the respect of the men before he can work with them like he did in the past."

Ben walked in the barn to saddle his horse. Joe started to follow but Hoss grabbed him by the elbow. "You're ramrod. Can you get him to change his mind on this?"

"Hoss, Pa is doing the right thing. He thought it through, and I'm backing his play. I'm not going to start an argument with him over Adam. I know he's worked hard since he got here, but not enough to put me at odds with Pa."

"Well it's plain wrong. Now it makes me wonder if both of you are trying to drive Adam away again."

"Maybe you shouldn't act all that surprised that I want him gone. He hurt Pa a lot and that's still pretty darn obvious by how Pa acts. I don't want him to get a chance to do it again. He left, and then he couldn't even bother to send any letters to Pa. He shows up here and expects to be welcomed. Ha! And Laura can breathe easier when he's gone too! Ladies talk and Rachel told me about Joshua. And I wouldn't mind him being gone either; he makes Rachel nervous and edgy. You can bet that I would rather have her in my arms than Adam on this ranch!"

Joe turned and went into the barn. Hoss stood speechless. He didn't want Adam to leave. He guessed that Laura had made peace with what had happened too and she and Adam could talk it out if they ever had a chance. He planned to talk to Adam first chance he got, and they would air it all out and make their peace with everything. Hoss decided he would do what he could to help Adam on this drive but knew it wasn't going to be easy. Then he remembered that journal and thought about when he might have time to read it.

The first day through the drought stricken landscape went better than expected. They made more miles than they expected, and Hoss found a nice patch of brown grass for the cattle to graze. The night was peaceful as the storms had not rolled down out of the high Sierras. Hoss found Adam waiting in line at the chuck wagon for dinner. It was hard to recognize him at first with the thick layer of dust on him. Hoss slapped his shoulder and a cloud rose up around him.

"Don't do that too close to the stew pot or everyone will have grit in their dinner!"

"Hey, Adam, you done handled yourself real well today. You kept your temper with Pa when many a son might have decked him for the way he treated you, and you didn't even have a cross word for him. And I just checked on the herd and they are rounded up nice and tight, and the boys said we didn't lose a single cow today."

"Hoss, I do what I say I'm going to do. When have I ever been different than that? It did irritate me to be riding drag, but I said I would help and if that is what helps, then I guess I'll do it. It's going to make that bath at the end all the more enjoyable."

"Adam, can we eat dinner together. I … well, I would like to talk with you about a coupla things."

Hoss looked at Adam with such an earnest expression that Adam couldn't help but grin and nod his head yes. The grin showing those white teeth in that dirty face got Hoss to guffawing like crazy. The men eating dinner looked over, so Adam repeated the grin and several men started laughing at that and at Hoss' infectious roars. The mood was lighthearted and the men started feeling that the tension they had felt at the ranch might just be gone. That is, that's how they felt until Ben walked into the circle with assignments for nightherding.

"Hoss, you start the night and pick a couple of the new men to show them the ropes. Joe has midnight and he will take his crew and split it into two shifts. Adam, Jess, Davis, and Mac, you have the 4 am slot; take some food with you because we want to get an early start so you won't be back here for breakfast probably."

Hoss and a number of the experienced hands were surprised, and it showed in their faces. Adam got the worst shift and with a short crew. That and a cold breakfast in a job that often meant you went without a lunch break was being hard on those men. It was the kind of thing you did to get someone to quit, or to punish a hand for bad behavior. Most wondered what Adam could have done to get that treatment. They had worked with him for a while now, and he was a decent man and worked as hard or harder than anyone. After Ben walked away, there was a bit of grumbling on their behalf, but it was quickly squelched by Adam.

"I said I would help, and if that is what they need me to do, I'll do it. Everyone just do your job, and don't worry; everything will work out just fine." Hoss slapped him on the shoulder again and got another dust cloud. A little chagrined, Hoss stared. Adam just leaned back and grinned again, and everyone around the campfire relaxed.

"Adam I'm sorry about how Pa's been treating you. It's like he's gonna make sure you don't get close again so it won't hurt when you leave."

"Or is he punishing me for leaving the last time? I guess it doesn't matter all that much. It is clear that Pa, and Joe too, want me to leave. I think I will because I don't see how I could fit into the Ponderosa any more, but you and I can keep in touch. I don't plan to go far this time so we will be able to get together when we want. Maybe we can even squeeze in a hunting trip soon?"

"I'd like that. But I think we need to talk about some things first. I want to clear some things up, and then you can tell me how you feel. I don't know how to say this so I am just going to blurt it out I guess. Laura says that Joshua is your son, and that is why Will left her. Now I dun said it and I hope you know that Joshua is a fine boy and I'm right fond of him now and sees me almost like a father 'cause he ain't got nobody else and nothing you say or do is ever gonna change that so don't even think on doing anything."

Adam was speechless for a moment. "Hoss, Joshua is not my son."

"What? Well how do you know that? Laura said that Will thought you were the father."

"Well Will may have thought that, and looking at Joshua, I suppose someone might think so. But Hoss, even though I did, ah, shall we say, find my way to Laura's bed, it was only a couple of times, and not at all after my fall. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't."

"Well, sure you could have. Lots of men with disabilities have children. Old Luke came back from the War with one arm and one leg, and he and his wife have a passel of children."

"Hoss, I had a spinal injury, and it made some things besides my legs not work like you expect. It was difficult, but I forced myself to have a talk with Paul about it at the time, and he said it was not unusual with a spinal injury and could be temporary or permanent. Luckily for me, it was temporary but it was at least six months before it worked again, and a great relief it was to me too. Then I spent an evening with a lady making up for lost time."

Hoss had been looking exceedingly puzzled by Adam's statements until that last part that Adam had added just to let him know exactly what the problem had been.

"Now Joshua was born eight months after Will and Laura got married, but unless he was an eleven month baby, he could not be mine. Will's gone. Joshua is his son and if he sees you like a father, then that's what will be. Is that why you have been a bit standoffish with me? Afraid I would interfere with your relationship with Josh? Nothing could ever make me do that. Will may have suspected I was the father, and that could easily have soured their relationship. Considering that she slept with Will while engaged to me, he could have thought she would have slept with me while in love with him. I don't understand why Laura didn't tell him that he had to be their son, but maybe she tried and Will wouldn't listen. He had a strong pride in him too. Does this all make sense to you? You are giving me such a strange look, I don't know what to think."

"Adam did you ever sleep with Rachel?"

Adam almost choked on his dinner with that one. He just looked at Hoss with surprise written all over his face. "Rachel Green? You mean Joe's Rachel? Lord, no! If I went to a dance, every time I turned around, she was there. If I danced with her, I only succeeded in making her father angry. His face looked like he had been sunburned by the end of that one Saturday dance when I did. She was attractive enough, but we never found a single topic of conversation. It is well and good to have an attractive woman, but I need one I can talk with when we aren't being romantic. I could not wait to get out of there. That one dance is the only time I was ever with Rachel, and it seemed like it was ten hours instead of two. Why would you even ask me such a question?"

"Well Joe started courting her because he thought you had been with her, and he felt he was doing the honorable thing for the family."

And for the second time that night, Adam almost choked on his dinner. Hoss slapped him on the back until he got his breathing back to normal.

"He married her, and he didn't love her?"

"Oh, I think he loved her. I had my doubts about her when they first got married, but she sure seems to love him now, and their kids are really great."

"I am glad it worked out for Joe, but I'm sorry about how it all started. I wonder what Rachel was up to by telling you that she had been with me."

"Well she didn't really say that to us I guess. She kinda led Joe to believe that."

"She was misleading him."

"Adam, we need to tell Joe."

"Hoss I don't think that is the only thing that Joe is holding against me right now. And I can see why Rachel never wants to be in the same room with me, but telling that to Joe now would only hurt their marriage and to what point. There's nothing to be gained from it now. Joe seems worried about his position on the Ponderosa. It seems he's afraid I may be a threat to him. I don't think anything I say is going to change his thinking on that. Does Pa know all this about Joshua, and about Rachel?"

"I'm sure he does. But we can set both of them straight on these things now, and it should get better between you and them."

"Well one could hope that, but it's probably too late for old truths to heal what's going on now, and it could create new trouble. When I left, part of it was because Pa treated me like a boy. I was his right hand but under his control all the time, and that bothered me a lot. To be honest, it bothered me that he always expected me to do the right thing and be successful at everything. So when I did well, he just nodded like of course, what else could he expect, and when I messed up, he let me have it like I was careless and irresponsible. I could not be a real person. However, even that would be better than the way he seems to look at me now, expecting the worst and showing little regard or respect for me or my feelings."

"I know. I'm sorry that I added to your burden. I was just so worried. Now I know I should have known you would never do anything to hurt me. Just like you never hurt Pa and Joe except they couldn't see you needed to live your dream too at least for a while. You said you would come back and you did. I just wish things were working out better for you."

Adam threw his arm over Hoss' shoulder surprising the big guy because Adam seldom showed affection that way. Hoss grabbed him in that bear hug he had been wanting to give him and actually lifted him off the ground. When he set him down, Adam just punched him in the shoulder.

"We both better get some rest. You're up in just a couple of hours, and I've got dawn patrol. See you tomorrow night." They shared grins, put their plates in the pan by the chuck wagon, and stretched their bedrolls out side by side.

 

Chapter 8

The second day went well, and with a clear sky and smooth trails, and then they pushed the cattle until seven the following evening. At the campfire next to the chuckwagon, everyone was stretched out and trying to soothe sore muscles. Adam had collected another layer of dust, and there wasn't enough water for the men to wash, so the best he could do was wipe as much grime from his face and hands as he could with his bandanna. He was moving rather stiffly and groaned as he sat down. Hoss watched him and knew he shouldn't be riding drag. With the nighthawk duties and drag, Adam had been in the saddle for fifteen hours, and all he had to eat was jerky and hard tack with water and probably some dust as well. He had switched horses at midday, and got right back to work. Adam put his head down and pinched the bridge of his nose. Hoss got up and filled a plate with stew and beans and handed it down to him. Adam looked up with a grateful nod and took the plate and ate.

Joe walked in to the circle of men to hand out the assignments Ben had made. Then he looked at Adam.

"I need your help. One of my crew is sick and I need another man on the midnight shift."

Adam looked up to protest but as he opened his mouth, Joe got that look that said he was itching for a fight. Adam just held up his hand and said he would do it. Hoss got up and followed Joe. When they were no longer in earshot of the men, Hoss stopped him by grabbing his arm.

"Why are you doing this to Adam? He spent more time in the saddle today than anyone. He's done everything that you and Pa asked so far without complaining at all."

"I'm just treating him like a cow hand. That's what he is on this drive. He takes orders. If he doesn't like it, he can leave."

"You're trying to make him leave. You got him so tired now, he's gonna get hurt. Will your conscience let you live with that? He and I have talked. Our brother is there if you would give him a chance. Oh, and he ain't never been with Rachel neither, and he ain't Joshua's father neither. A couple of ladies got a little explaining to do."

Taken aback for a moment, Joe wasn't ready to accept that news. "He can tell any story he wants. He always wants to come off as the big hero, the man who could do no wrong. I don't believe him!"

Hoss grabbed Joe's arm in his hand and let his little brother know he wasn't letting go until he said his piece. "Joe, our brother can be arrogant, moody, patronizing, cantankerous, irritating, and even downright dangerous, but I have never in my life had any reason to doubt his word. He doesn't lie. You and Pa are making his life miserable, and you're doing everything you kin to be shur he'll be leaving and this time, he won't make no promise to return, and I can't say as I blame him. He told me why he left and I understood because Pa treated us all the same until Adam left. He acted like we were boys and couldn't do anything without his approval. And he pushed Adam harder than he pushed us and gave him less praise too. When we did something good, he heaped praise on us and I would feel good at the time, but sometimes I wondered if he was just surprised we did something right. When Adam did something real good, he just acted like that was expected, but when Adam failed even though he did his best, there was always the lecture that made our brother feel like a dog. I gotta admit sometimes, I didn't feel all that bad about it when Pa took him down a notch, but lookin' at it from his side, I reckon I see it a whole lot different. He's been a darn good brother to us, and he's a right strong man, and I respect him a lot. The way he's dealing with how you and Pa been treatin' him has earned him a lot of respect from the men. Right now they probably wish he was running this drive instead of us."

Joe shrugged his arm from Hoss' grasp, and stomped away. However, his thoughts were in turmoil. He knew that what Hoss had said was true. So the only conclusion he could draw was that Rachel had deceived him. If she had, he wondered what could he do because he loved her and he loved their children. But he had told his Pa what she had said, and had shared what Rachel had learned from Laura. He wondered if he had turned his father against his brother for no cause and treated his brother as unfairly as Hoss said. Guilt started to weigh him down and he knew he was not going to get much sleep this night.

Standing in the darkness nearby, Ben had overheard the conversation between Joe and Hoss. At this point he was in shock. He had no idea that was what his sons thought of him. The possibility that Adam innocent of all that Joe had accused him of doing meant that Ben was guilty of a great transgression and one that he knew was very wrong anyway. He had judged his son and found him guilty without ever doing anything to uncover the facts of the cases or to offer Adam the opportunity to defend himself. Ben knew he had possibly done it because it made his own guilt that much less of an issue. Now he was acting in a way that was driving his eldest son away, and making his middle son think so much less of him that he lectured the youngest son about it. The weight of what he had done hit him hard. He so wanted his sons' love and their respect and wondered how he had gotten it so wrong. He sat down hard on his bedroll and wondered what he could do. After a sleepless night and with the birds announcing that dawn was near, Ben got up to go talk with Adam because he needed to begin to right the wrongs. He wasn't sure what he was going to say but had to make a start. As he approached the men, he didn't see Adam, but he did see Hoss.

"Hoss, good morning son. I don't see Adam. Do you know where he is?"

"He left almost a half hour ago to get the crew for drag organized. This is a lot rougher country and they're gonna be working darn hard today, and with hardly any sleep after having the longest day out there yesterday." Hoss turned away from his Pa because he was afraid of what he was going to say next.

"What do you mean, without much sleep? The crew with the last shift the night before was supposed to have last night off, and then take the first watch tonight."

"Well Joe was short-handed so he gave Adam the midnight shift."

"Hoss pick a couple of men to ride drag today and go get Adam and put him in the middle somewhere where he can ride easier, and at least get a good lunch today."

Hoss looked over at Ben, surprised, and with a slight smile, agreed to do exactly that.

"Son, it's time I did something to pull this family back together. I have been acting like this is all about me, and it isn't. I guess I imagined more hurt than I actually felt. I have realized it was anger, guilt, and maybe a bit of selfishness on my part and maybe I was a even little jealous of Adam's chance to go see and do the things he had dreamed about."

Hoss nodded his approval and mounted up on Chubb. As he rode to the back of the herd, he didn't see Adam anywhere. He asked the other men and no one had seen him since he had ridden back there. He rode around for a bit and then decided to go back up the herd because maybe Adam had gone back for something and he had just missed seeing him. When he got back to the chuckwagon, he still had not seen him. Ben was finishing up his coffee and holding the reins of his horse.

"Was he happy with the news?"

"Pa, I never saw him. No one seems to have seen him since he rode to the back of the herd."

Ben's face fell. His first thought was that Adam had left again. Perhaps they had pushed him hard enough to get him to just go. Hoss could read his face.

"Adam wouldn't leave without saying he was going. He said he would help get these cattle to market, and you know he always stands by his word. I don't know what happened, but I'm getting worried."

Joe walked up then with his horse, and Hoss filled him in on what had happened so far. Joe looked at Ben and at Hoss, and he knew what they had to do.

"I'll tell the men to hold the herd. We'll go find Adam."

As Ben and his sons rode along the back of the herd, Hoss looked for tracks leading away, but with all the cattle, there was no sign of any horses. Joe looked and saw an opening to a small canyon to the side nearly blocked with brush but some had been trampled. He rode over and Hoss saw his move and followed. There were cattle tracks and horse tracks in the cattle tracks so the cattle had gone in first and the horse followed considerably later by the condition of the tracks. All followed the track in but single file as there wasn't room to do anything else, and the horses wouldn't want to fight through that brush. As they entered the canyon, they saw a sight that shocked and frightened them. Adam's horse had been gored and was obviously dead. Lying partially beneath the horse was Adam's still form. Hoss raced to his side and jumped down next to him. He felt for a pulse at Adam's neck and found it, but it was weak and somewhat uneven. They knew the first thing they had to do was get that horse off of him. Hoss grabbed the saddle and Joe wrapped his arms around the horses neck.

"On the count of three, heave. One, two, three!"

Working in concert, they lifted enough of the horse off Adam so that Ben could grab his shoulders and pull him completely free before Hoss and Joe had to drop the dead weight. There was blood on Adam's lips and they all fervently hoped it was not from internal injuries. Joe ran and grabbed his bedroll and laid it on the ground next to Adam. Carefully, they lifted him from the dust and laid him on the blanket. The next job was to see how badly he was injured. Hoss pulled his knife and began to cut away Adam's clothing. In his condition, he wouldn't need them, and they didn't want to jostle him any more than necessary without knowing what his injuries were. As he cut away the pants legs, it was clear that his left leg was broken, but the skin was unbroken and the leg appeared to be reasonably straight.

"Well at least we don't have to work too hard to set that leg. By the swelling in the middle of his shin, it looks broken but it's straight and we'll pull it and splint it." Ben was stating the obvious, but he was greatly relieved that it wasn't worse.

As Hoss cut the rest of the pants away, they found some significant bruising around his left hip but nothing appeared to be broken. It was probably caused by the collision with the hard ground. His jacket was cut open next and then Hoss set out to remove the shirt but there was a lot of blood on the upper chest so he was taking his time and being very careful. As he was able to pull the shirt away, there was a collective gasp from all three. Not only was Adam's collarbone jutting out through the skin, there was a horrific scar on Adam's chest. It was over a foot long and went from the center of his chest to under his right arm before it angled away to his left side.

"My God! What happened to you boy?"

"Pa we kin ask him about that later. Right now we need to take care of this collar bone and figure out why he is still unconscious after all this we've been doing."

Joe carefully probed Adam's hair and stopped near the back left side of his head and held up his bloody hand.

"He's got a gash here that's probably a few inches long. Must have hit his head on one of these rocks when he fell. I got some clean clothes in my saddlebag. You can make some bandages with those. I'm going back to the chuckwagon to get Hop Sing and anything he has to help. Just see if you can stop the bleeding for now."

With Hop Sing's capable care, the wounds were cleaned and the collarbone was repositioned. Adam's head wound was bandaged as well as his chest bound to protect him from the possibility of broken ribs because if they moved, it could be fatal. They then bound his left arm to his side with his arm crossed over his abdomen to keep the collarbone from shifting. Hoss found some green wood and stripped the bark to make splints and his lower leg was splinted.

"Okay now how are we going to get him out of here?" Hoss was concerned there wasn't enough room but Joe walked out and came back in a few minutes later, with sounds of wood snapping and breaking behind him.

"The drag crew followed me back here to see if they could help. Adam has got himself three men who seem to think he's worth an awful lot. They're going to clear enough of that brush so we can get the wagon back in here." Joe smiled.

"I think there are four more men here who think he's worth an awful lot, but some of us forgot it for a while." Ben looked at his middle and younger son, and they knew that somehow, all of them had found out what fools they had been.

"Number one son always was worth much. He was born in year of tiger. He very valuable man. You treat him good now or I go back to China, you see! Too much foolishment!"

From the oldest son there was no sound. Ben looked at Adam, and Hoss and Joe sobered up quickly too.

"He looks so pale. Does he have a fever?"

"Not yet. Almost certainly he will get one. With these injuries, you know there will be fever. I just hope we did enough so there won't be infection. We have to transport him a long way so that could be too much for him. He just has to wake up and come back to us. We need to let him know that we love him." Ben couldn't talk any more. The sight of his injured son and the evidence of some horrific wounds he had received in the past was overwhelming. "I wonder what happened to him. Those scars look like they are all from the same time. He must have almost died with all of that. We might have lost him without ever knowing."

"Almost four years ago he stopped writing. Maybe that's when it happened."

"Well why didn't he write when he could then?"

"He did." Ben saw their astonished looks. "I got a few cryptic letters. They were sloppily written and I guessed that he had just dashed off a quick note. I thought he didn't care enough to write a real letter to me, but now I think it might have been all he could do at the time. But I didn't answer them. I was waiting for a real letter. He must have thought I turned my back on him, and I guess I did. He never sent another after those three short notes that I did not answer."

"Considering how we have all treated him, ya gotta wonder why he's here at all. He must love us very much no matter what we do. Wish we all had done the same!"

The sound of the wagon being pushed through the brush made them all stand. The men had laid their bedrolls in the back over some of the light brush to give Adam as comfortable a ride as was possible under the circumstances. Two men carried long poles that they had crossed with smaller poles to make a stretcher to carry him to the wagon from where he lay almost twenty feet into the rocks and trees. Carefully, the Cartwrights and the men lifted Adam and placed him on the stretcher and then carried him to the wagon. Once in the wagon, the men untied the crosspieces and slid them out from underneath their friend.

"Jess and Mac: that was right clever how ya done that. Thank you, and I bet Adam thanks you too cause that shur made this a lot easier on him." Hoss looked at the two men and they looked away a bit embarrassed.

"Well we both done battlefield duty in the War. Sometimes you just had to make do so we got kinda creative in figuring out ways to help the wounded. Came in handy today to help Mr. Adam. He is one fine boss, and I sure hope he makes it. We both will be praying for him." Jess finished saying his piece and then turned and he and Mac walked away with their head bowed.

"We'll be praying too. Praying a lot."

They slowly backed the wagon out through the narrow trail in the brush. They headed the wagon toward the nearest town and hoped the doctor was there. Every bump in the trail made them worry about what it was doing to Adam but there was not a groan from him. It was the silence that started to wear on them. He was so out that he didn't feel anything, and it made them wonder if he could come back to them. When they finally saw the tops of the buildings in town, they breathed a bit of a sigh of relief. Maybe the doctor could give them a hopeful prognosis, because right now everything was pointing to a bad outcome. The first person they saw when entering the town was a man working the livery stable. He directed them to the doctor's house. When they got there, Joe jumped down from the wagon and ran to the door and knocked loudly. A lady opened the door with a stern look and got him to back up.

"The doctor is in the surgery with a patient, and all this noise is most unwelcome."

"Ma'am, I am really sorry but my brother is hurt real bad and we need the doctor to look at him."

"Where is he?"

"Here in the back of the wagon. We did what we could, but he hasn't made a sound or nothing since we found him."

"What happened to him?"

"His horse got gored and fell on him. He's got a broken leg, some busted ribs, a broken collar bone that busted clean through the skin, and a bad bump with a cut on the back left side of his head."

The doctor's wife directed them to bring him inside, and place him on the nursing couch in the front room. She removed the blankets that he was wrapped in and there was no reaction.

"I will let the doctor know what is happening. He has to sew up his patient's leg from an accident with an axe but he is nearly done with that. Then he will certainly need to see this man as soon as possible." Please if you could, remove the remainder of his clothing and the blankets, and I will bring some cloths and soapy water, and we will bathe him. At their surprised looks, she answered that she had assisted her husband in his practice for over twenty years and she wasn't going to see anything she had not seen before. "When we have him cleaned up, we will wrap him in a clean sheet and cover him with a clean blanket or two."

By the time the doctor opened the door to the surgery, they had Adam cleaned up and ready for the doctor to examine. His wife had asked about all the scar she saw on his chest and was quite surprised when his family claimed they didn't know what it was from. This made her skeptical that this was indeed the man's family, but he did need care, and they could sort out the story later.

Hoss carried Adam into the surgery and placed him carefully on the table. Ben and Joe wanted to come in too but the doctor's wife pushed them all out and closed the door. Hoss went first to the hotel to get a room, and then he got a bath and shaved. After putting on his clean change of clothing, he came back and sent Joe out to bathe, but Joe had to go to the store first to buy a shirt because his clean one had been used to make bandages for Adam's wounds. When he got back, Hoss and Joe insisted that Ben go do the same, but he refused. It was so long now that he expected the doctor to come out at any time, but it was more than an hour later that the door opened.

"Your son probably has a skull fracture. The bones of the skull are not displaced nor is there any indentation, but I still believe it is a fracture and there is brain swelling. It does not appear to be too serious, but with such an injury, there is always the unknown. He may wake up soon, in a few days, or not at all. All we can do is wait. There are no responses from him yet of any kind. The bandaging on his leg was done well, so I just replaced the sticks with proper splints and bandaged it again with clean bandages. The collarbone injury is a bit more serious but after I removed a few bone fragments and cleaned the wound area, I bandaged that as well. You cleaned it up well so there does not appear to be a much of risk of infection, although that is still a possibility albeit a small one. The ribs are bruised but I could find no breaks. I lightly bandaged the ribs again but only for comfort of the patient."

"Can we see him now?"

"Yes and you may sit with him but only one at a time. Two of you are clean so one of you will be first." Looking directly at Ben, the doctor was quite direct. "If you wish to see him and sit with him, you must be clean. I suggest you clean up as your sons have." With that, he looked at the two brothers who looked at each other and Joe nodded at Hoss to be the first to sit with Adam. Hoss stood and went into the room with the doctor and the door closed. Ben dropped his head. Joe stepped up beside him and put his hand on his father's shoulder. Ben looked at Joe and Joe pointed him to the door and walked him over to the hotel.

For two days, they took turns sitting with Adam. There were a few hopeful signs. Occasionally he would groan with pain. The doctor said it was good that he was aware and that he could make a sound. Adam occasionally would raise his right hand like he wanted to do something and then after a bit, he would just lower it to the bed. At these times, whoever was sitting with him would talk to him and try to get a response but there was nothing. The doctor performed tests on his hands and feet and it was clear that he did sense pain because of his immediate reaction to being poked with a needle. But still he never opened his eyes nor responded to anything else they did nor anything they said.

On the third day, Hoss pulled the blind up a little to see the sky a bit better and Adam groaned loudly. Hoss went to his side, and he groaned and tried to roll over. Doctor Mayer came in and immediately crossed to the window and drew the blind down to the bottom plunging the room into near darkness. Adam immediately relaxed. The doctor took the lamp and set it on the floor so there was no light shining in Adam's eyes. Hoss' eyes widened when he saw a slight smile on Adam's lips and a flickering of his eyes. He wanted to get Ben, but the doctor said if he did, he could not come back as it was still just to be one of them at a time with Adam.

"Like the light, too much commotion or activity will hurt his brain. It is injured, and like an arm or a leg that is injured, there needs to be a lot less activity. He needs it to be quiet and dark here even more than before."

Hoss nodded and stood silently at his brother's side. In a few minutes, he was rewarded as Adam opened one eye and then the other, and looked directly at Hoss and said "It's good to see you again" in a hoarse strained whisper but to Hoss it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

"Adam, I'll get Pa."

"No, no, please, no."

The doctor grabbed Hoss' arm and looked him in the eye and shook his head no.

"Okay Adam. I'll just stay here with you. You get better now, ya hear. You owe me a hunting trip. I think you promised, and you know you never break a promise."

Adam smiled a bit and raised his right hand. Hoss grasped it in his own, and Adam relaxed and closed his eyes.

"This is very good. This is as good as can be expected at this time. Your brother may make a complete recovery from these injuries. He is well on his way now." The doctor smiled and went to the front room to inform Adam's father and brother of his progress, but he knew it would be hard to tell them that it appeared Adam did not want to see them. He only wanted his brother Hoss at this time. Ben and Joe felt terrible when the doctor finished speaking with them about Adam's condition and his desire to only see Hoss.

"Adam needs to recover physically first. I believe I heard you have a cattle herd waiting to move. You should go take care of that. When you return, perhaps we can see about healing the emotional wounds in this family." When the doctor and his wife went to change the dressings on Adam's wounds, Ben and Joe took their leave and told Hoss to take good care of Adam. They said they should be back in about two weeks depending on the weather.

"Don't you worry none Pa. Adam is going to be fine. We'll work this out. Our family is going to be whole again." Even if Adam didn't live on the Ponderosa, he had told Hoss he would make his home nearby. Because he had told Hoss that, Hoss knew he would, because Adam didn't lie.

 

Chapter 9

Hoss walked slowly to the telegraph office in the quiet little town of Sequoia. He was concerned about the message he needed to send. How was he going to explain to his wife and to Laura that he had to stay in Sequoia because Adam was hurt and needed his brother. He had some questions about things Laura had told him but didn't think he could ask about that in a short message. He knew though that he was going to be troubled about that until he had a chance to talk with her. He missed his children and Josh too and wondered how much longer it would have to be before he could wrap his arms around them and delight in just being home with his family around him.

The other telegrams would be easier as he knew he had to let Ann know about Adam. After Adam's revelations about their relationship and having witnessed one interlude they had, he knew she needed to know. He hoped she would come here. Adam needed her.

Hop Sing, Roy Coffee, Doc Martin, and David King needed to be told too, but these messages like the one to Ann could be simple straightforward messages. He would need to leave a message for Ben and Joe at their destination as well. As he opened the door to the telegraph office, he decided to send the same message to all. Then he would write a letter to Laura. She would get it soon enough, and he could say more of what needed to be said that way.

Happy with his decision, Hoss felt like some of the weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Now if Adam would start on the road to recovery, all would be good. However for the last three days since Joe and Ben had left to finish the cattle drive, Adam's fever had worsened. The worried looks on the doctor's wife's face told him clearly that the prognosis was looking more bleak.

As Hoss stepped up to the porch of the doctor's home, he sighed deeply. Adam wasn't fighting the way he expected him to fight. True, Adam was in a lot of pain with bruised ribs, a broken leg, a broken collarbone as well as that nasty bump on his head with a two-inch gash the doctor had stitched up and he had a skull fracture. Damn it seemed like a lot when you thought of it all together like that! His horse falling on him as he fell to the rocky ground had done a lot of damage. But Adam had been hurt badly before and been in a lot of pain, and he fought like a mountain lion against it every time. This time, the fight just didn't seem to be in him.

"Good morning! How's the patient this morning?"

"The same, Hoss. My husband has already examined him and changed the dressings on his wounds. As usual your brother was stoic."

"Huh?"

"He just laid there and clenched his jaw and his right fist and made not a sound."

"Stoic? That's a good word. Maybe Pa shoulda made it his middle name. Seems like he has always been that way. Takes an awful lot to get him to holler out or show his feelings except when he is angry sometimes."

"How did he get to be that way do you think?"

"Well lots of things seemed to do that to him. His ma died when he was born. Pa took him on a journey west but didn't have enough money to they stopped in towns along the way so he could make money to keep going. As Adam grew up, he got used to not having things even medicine so he never seems to want to ask for anything from anyone nor complain about what he doesn't have. He never had a home until Pa got to Nevada – he spent seven years living out of a wagon and traveling from town to town."

"Well that is so sad, but lots of people have sad tales to tell like that and didn't turn out so serious."

"Stoic?"

"Well yes. There must have been more hurt or trauma in his life than that to make him so."

"There is. My Pa married my Ma in one of those towns they stopped in. When I was just a wee one, Ma got killed by Indians. Adam saw her die."

"Oh no, you lost your mother too."

"You see though it wasn't as bad for me 'cause even though I can't remember my Ma, she took care of me and loved me until she died. Adam never had that as a little one. When Ma died, Adam took care of me although he was only nearing seven years old himself at the time. He used to hold me, sing songs to me, and at night if I got scared, I would fall asleep with his arms around me. He helped me grow into the man I am. No one was around to do any of that for Adam though. Pa was busy providing for his family. Ma did what she could. She wasn't there for long though; it was only about a year and a half. I think that is why he is so darn independent and don't want nothing from nobody."

"But you have another brother."

"Yes. Joe. Pa married Marie when I was about six, and she was with us for almost seven years. Joe was six when she died. Me and Adam lost another ma. Pa left for a while 'cause he was overcome with grief. Adam took care of us and the ranch until he got back. Then about a year later, Adam went to school in Boston. By the time he got back four years later, he had found he could live on his own without us. So even though he loves us, he doesn't need us I guess."

"What was he like when he got back that made you think that?"

"Well he had become more serious and closed off. He didn't enjoy roughhousing with us like he used to. Plus he had developed this real short fuse! Boy howdy, he can throw a tantrum better than anybody you know."

"He seems so calm."

"Stoic."

"Yes." They both smiled. Working together for the last few days had made them friends. Mrs. Mayer found it easy to be Hoss' friend. He had that shy smile and those beautiful blue eyes that warmed your soul when you looked into them. And the appetite he had amazed her! She had never seen a man eat like that, but he was always so appreciative of anything she did, and so helpful. She wished her sons acted so nicely as this gentle man did. Hoss was sitting on the settee and had a faraway look in his eyes.

"What are you thinking about now?"

"Well I was wondering if all the hurt Adam has had with women in his life kept this 'stoic' thing in him."

"Hoss you lost two mothers too and you aren't that way."

"No Adam has had more hurt. When she was with him, one of his gals got shot by a jealous man and died in his arms. Another died when she was forced to help the Shoshoni during an epidemic. Two others he fell in love with wouldn't stay with him because their religions were so different. He shot his best friend Ross when Ross killed his own wife Delphine who was a dear friend to Adam. Then the worst thing was when his fiancée Laura took up with his cousin and left him too. Last, I recently learned that his wife got murdered by some evil men who made him watch. He spent years tracking them down. I had his journal with me and sitting here with him, I had a chance to do some reading when he was sleeping."

"Oh my God! That poor man. It's a wonder he hasn't died of a broken heart."

"I hafta say that while I was reading it, my heart was breaking for him knowing what he went through. I know what it's like to have my heart broken too. Well, I've had my heart broken more than once and this one time, it was real bad, but I used the pain of it to hurt my brother. Adam thought Regan was no good and set out to prove it to me. Regan kissed him and I saw it. I thought Adam kissed her and I wanted to kill him. I beat him badly but he never fought back. At the time, I thought he felt guilty for betraying me, and it just made me angrier. What I eventually came to realize was he was sorry for me, sorry I was hurt, and he wasn't going to do anything to make it worse."

"You are both very strong men. I love you dearly Hoss. I wish I was your ma."

"Aw shucks, Mrs. Mayer, you sure are sweet to say that."

"I mean it. Now what can we do to get that brother of yours in the there to heal up and get back home?"

"I sent out some telegrams, and I hope somebody shows up to help us."

"That would be a blessing."

 

Chapter 10

Two days later, Hoss was still working on his letter to Laura. It was so hard to put his thoughts on paper when the subject was so important to him. He wished he could talk with her because he thought she needed to be here to settle things with Adam. More than anything, Hoss wished he could write an honest letter to his father and brother so they would know more and be here to work things out with Adam too. In Hoss' mind, it was all the pressure of those relationships that was keeping Adam from wanting to wake up. He had so much pain inside of him, and then to have more coming at him from outside was too much for him. The stress of watching Adam seeming to fade away a little each day and his own trouble sleeping were wearing him down too. Adam ate and drank very little and often promptly retched up at least half of what they got into him each day. Seeing him grimace in pain as he retched into a bowl tore into Hoss' heart. Adam slept most of the time, and when awake found it difficult to talk or move at all for that matter. He would hold Hoss' hand and give him a slight smile, but that was about it.

"Hoss, Hoss, the stage just arrived and I think you are going to be very happy to see who was on it."

Hoss turned and grinned widely. There in the doorway was Marie, his daughter, and his son, Laura, and Josh. He gathered them all up in his arms one by one, kissed his wife, and planted kisses on the tops of the heads of the children as they hugged tightly. He turned his head to see Ann, Jacob, and David come through the door too.

"Well looks like the cavalry to the rescue!"

"Dadburnit, I'm shur glad to see you, all of you!"

Hoss' family were all smiles, but Ann and David wore more worried expressions.

"Where's Adam?" Ann was dressed in a simple but pretty blue dress and her blonde hair fell beautifully around her face and down to her shoulders. Hoss pointed behind him at the door, and she asked David to stay with Jacob as she went in to see Adam. She found him sleeping but very restless. Putting a hand on his chest, she slowly moved it around in circles careful not to get too close to the bandaged collar bone on his left side. Whispering 'I love you' to him, she continued to caress him. He calmed and relaxed.

Standing in the doorway for only a moment, Mrs. Mayer pulled the door closed. "You're so very right Hoss. He needed her. And you needed your family. I am so glad they all came. The hotel will be glad too. They will be full up for the first time ever, I think."

Except for Ann, they all retreated to her parlor, and found places to sit. Hoss settled on the settee with his children squeezed in around him. Laura, Peggy, and Josh sat across from them on some chairs from the dining room. David and Jacob sat in two highback chairs. Mrs. Mayer sat in her wooden rocker.

"What made you all come here? Boy howdy, my eyes near popped outta my head when I saw y'all standing there. Dadburnit but it is so great that you are here, all of you."

David spoke first. "Ann wanted to come immediately if not sooner. I suggested we travel together."

Marie continued the narrative. "And the children wanted to see their Uncle Adam. All of us were missing you so much too that we decided to come here as a family. When we got to town to get on the stage, we found David, Ann, and Jacob were the other passengers. We managed to fit everyone in. Two days later and here we are."

"Well I got a room at the hotel, and we can get more. The merchants in this town are going to be thrilled to have all of us here spending some money. People here are very friendly and will do anything we need them to do."

Hoss took his family to the hotel, and David grabbed his bag as well as those for Jacob and Ann and followed behind as he didn't expect to see Ann for quite a while now. As they signed for rooms, David said "Just one night. I need to get back to work. My office is in Sacramento and my wife is in Stockton so I have some traveling to do yet to get everything squared away. I have my ticket already for the stage tomorrow. I just wanted to get Ann here and check in on my friend Adam to see how he was doing. Looks like you got your work cut out for you with him. What happened?"

"Well like I said in the telegram, he got hurt on the drive. What I didn't say was a loco steer charged him, gored his horse, and dumped him over to fall on Adam. He must have laid on that rocky ground for hours before we found him."

"Why hours? Didn't anyone on the drive see what had happened?"

"No he was riding drag . . . " at that, David's eyebrows rose and his expression darkened but Hoss continued "and he followed some steers into a little canyon. No one saw him leave because the brush was so thick there."

"With his experience, I would not have thought that he would have done that alone. I know too that he is an excellent rider so why didn't he turn his mount when he saw that steer coming and get out of the way?"

"Well he was pretty tired from all the night guarding and he missed breakfast too."

David was thinking some unkind thoughts about Adam's family at that point. His eyebrows rose into the frown he had. David's expression got darker but it wasn't the place to say something because the children were there. He turned on his heal, and walked like a fierce panther to the stairs and up. Hoss could see how much he and Adam were alike. It was easy to see why the friends had worked together for years. It wasn't just the dark eyes, black hair, dark skin, and the tendency to wear mostly black. He communicated effectively without talking. It was clear from his expression that he wasn't happy with how the family had treated his friend. Underneath, there was controlled fury, and like Adam, he could look dangerous without making a move or saying a thing.

"They could be twins." Laura watched as David neared the top of the stairs. "They look more like brothers than you, Joe, and Adam do."

"He loves Adam like a brother. You could see that in how he acted when he heard what happened to him."

"Mama, mama, can we go see our room now?" Josh was always curious and anxious to see new things, and that reminded Hoss of what he wanted to speak about with Laura. He grabbed all the bags, keys, and headed up the stairs. The rest trooped after him. Laura suggested the children unpack, and take a nap to recover from the two days of traveling as everyone split up to their rooms with Hoss' children in one room, Laura and her children in another room, Jacob in a room he would share with his mother, Hoss and Marie using Hoss' room, and David in a room. Hoss asked to speak with Laura privately and she and he headed downstairs as soon as her children were resting.

A short time later, "I never said he was Adam's son. I said Will thought he was. Will thought so little of me and trusted me not at all so he would never believe me when I said Joshua was his son. He let himself down and Adam down by pursuing me when I was engaged to Adam. The guilt ruined the love between us. No matter what I said or even what Adam had said to us, the guilt just built up. He drank, he gambled, he got angry and said hateful things, and then he left us; me. When he got killed in Mexico, I wondered if he had done it on purpose by putting himself in danger so he could be killed and freed of the guilt that was tearing him apart. I will never be free of the guilt I have for hurting two men I loved. I can't do anything about the past. I can only say that I have changed. I finally grew up and accepted responsibility. I looked in the mirror back then and I had not liked what I saw. I was a whining, conniving shrew. I decided I needed to be a better person to be a proper mother to my children."

"That is the longest speech I have ever heard from you. I know how hard that was to admit. I knew you felt bad about what you did to Adam, but I never knew how it had been with Will. Peggy had said a few things a number of years ago about how she liked your new peaceful home because she had never had that before. I am so glad you were honest with me. I understand why it was so hard for you to tell me the rest of the story. We can put it behind us now."

"I should talk to Adam, shouldn't I. I should ask his forgiveness for what I did to him so he can put it behind him too. I know I hurt him. I guess I feel guilty about that even now and wonder if that had something to do with him leaving when he did."

"I think it did."

"So all the pain he's gone through and a lot of the trouble in your family even today is because of me. Hoss, I am truly sorry. If there was any way I could change any of it, I would."

"I know that, and having that talk with Adam could help him. He needs to have that burden he carries lightened up a little."

 

Chapter 11

Over the next week with Ann nearly always with Adam and feeding him tiny amounts of food and water about every half hour to prevent the retching, Adam slowly got stronger. Seeing her and Jacob as well as having the other members of the family there for short visits improved his mood because he knew they had come so far because they were concerned about him. That level of caring did a lot to make him feel wanted and a part of the family again. Each morning, Hoss would wrap his arms around him from the right and pull him into a sitting position. Ann and Laura or Marie would place pillows behind him so he could recline comfortably. Then Ann would bathe him, shave him, and comb his hair. Once all of that was done, Doctor Mayer would change the dressings on his collarbone and under his splints showing Ann what to do because he was soon going to be handing this task to her. The fever was still there but diminished a bit each day. By the end of the week, Ann and Peggy had started taking turns reading to him from books they had brought along and from newspapers delivered each day by stage. Adam started to have short conversations with people asking what they did each day. His speech was mostly normal although a few times he struggled to remember a word he wanted to say or some words with difficult pronunciation came out slurred a little. The doctor assured them that he thought this would improve with time, healing, and practice.

Then Adam asked to have the blinds in his room raised. He squinted because he was unaccustomed to the brightness, but there was no pain. The severe headache that he had suffered with for two weeks was gone. With Hoss' help, he started to take short walks around the house but used a crutch to keep the weight off his injured leg. The doctor told him the bone he had broken was the smaller of the two bones in his lower leg and if he was careful, he would walk on his own soon although a crutch or cane would be necessary for a while yet. As he improved, the doctor pronounced him fit enough to stay at the hotel as he no longer needed the doctor's close supervision.

Adam was embarrassed to find that Hoss had rented a carriage and had it parked outside the doctor's house. Hoss helped Adam walk to the carriage and then helped him get in. Hoss drove about one hundred yards to the hotel, and then reversed the procedure to get Adam into the hotel. Hoss knew that even that short walk from the doc's house to the hotel was still more than his brother could manage. Besides once he had Adam situated in Ann's room on the hotel's first floor, he was taking his family, Laura's family, and Jacob for a drive and a picnic. Adam didn't feel quite so bad about the carriage when he realized there was another reason that Hoss had rented it and then he knew too why he had rented such a large carriage. Even then, Peggy and Jacob were going to ride horses behind the carriage.

Hoss gathered everyone at the hotel and escorted them to the carriage. He made a short trip to the hotel's restaurant returning with a huge picnic hamper. As they drove out of town to view the countryside and find a nice picnic spot, they met Joe and Ben riding into town, so they filled them in on what had happened. Both Ben and Joe heaved huge sighs of relief at the same time, which got a chuckle from everyone else.

"We got a great price for the cattle, but some bad weather slowed us getting there, and then getting back here. We had hoped to be here several days ago, and we worried all the time about what we didn't know."

"Well by the time things turned around here for Adam, I thought you would already be heading back here and I wouldn't be able to get a message to you. I'm sorry I didn't let you know he was getting better. I feel purty bad about that now."

"Nonsense. You did what you thought was right and based it on the information you had. I am just happy my son is going to be all right. I need to let him know what a jackass I was, that I hope he can forgive me, and that I love my son."

Laura and Marie blanched at Ben's use of profanity in front of the children and how they were going to have to explain it to them later. Hoss and Joe had not even reacted. That hinted at the strong emotions that all were experiencing.

"I feel the same way. I thought I was a man but Adam came back, and I acted like his jealous little brother. I know Adam spoke the truth. I've thought about it a lot and I think I know what happened. I have to talk to her about it, but she's not a kid any more either, and once she is honest with me, we can put this behind us. In some way I think you know I'm happy with what I found out. Just like Pa, I need to ask Adam's forgiveness and tell him how I feel about him."

"Pa, Adam and Ann are together. In my room at the hotel, there's a brown leather journal. You and Joe might want to spend some time reading it. It's Adam's. I've read it, and I asked him ifn it would be all right to let you two read it. He said it would be all right. A lot of the answers you might want to have to questions you still have are in that journal."

Hoss was so serious in his tone and demeanor as he said that, Ben worried about what might be in that journal. He nodded. "You think it's important that we read it before we spend much time talking with Adam, don't you?"

"Ya, Pa, it's real important."

Ben and Joe turned their horses and headed into town.

Hoss shook his head. So much anguish because of misunderstandings. Of course Adam had not helped by leaving with little explanation but now they could repair the broken bridges. As Ann had filled him in on Adam's more recent history, Hoss had gained a new and more complete understanding of his older brother. He hoped that Adam would give him permission to share this knowledge too with the rest of the family. He thought it could go a long way in helping people understand Adam. Adam wasn't talking much about himself, but Ann's presence had sure brought out the spark of life in him. He was getting stronger every day, and was becoming more and more interested in events and people around him much like the old Adam had been. Hoss had told Marie and Laura that they could return home soon, although he expected Ann and Adam would have to stay longer until Adam was more fit to travel.

At the hotel, Ann and Adam were talking about the future. They had been edging toward the topic for days. Hoss, his family, the doctor, and his wife always meant someone was hovering and there were simply too many interruptions for the serious conversation they needed to have.

"Ann, I never should have walked away from you. You said 'Tom' when I was kissing you and my pride, which has caused me problems at other times, got in the way. I should have known that it was me you were kissing and hugging, and a little slip like that should not have been that big of a deal. I thought about you for years. When you showed up here in that blue dress I remembered so well, it brought back memories of two of the best hours I have ever had in my life. I bought that dress for you. My heart almost burst with love for you. I couldn't say much at the time, but I want you to know you were all I could see or think about at that moment. Waking up with you sitting there at my side was so overwhelming that I almost cried with joy."

"Adam you have been with other women, and you know I was with a couple of other men, but after you, there was no man for me. You ruined me for other men. Every man who approached me was judged against you and found lacking." Adam smiled the room brightening dimpled smile at Ann then. "You can be insufferably arrogant you know." But her smile and tone made the comment humorous and not critical. She leaned in and kissed him, and Adam wrapped his right arm around her and drew her closer.

"I want you as my wife, my friend, my companion. Will you marry me?"

"Well, of course, yes, you big lug. I didn't come all this way to say no. I love you."

"Do you want to live on the horse ranch near Stockton or somewhere else?"

"What about the Ponderosa? Don't you want to go back there?"

"It's not my home any more. It's beautiful. I'm proud of what we built there. It's where my family has always lived. I love them, but I need to live my own life. A horse ranch gives me time to do other things. I still want to do architectural and engineering projects. I have investments to manage. From there, we can visit the Ponderosa regularly as it is only a few days by stage and two if we decide to make the ride ourselves. If they need me to help out, I can take time to do that. But I want us to make our own life together. And you still own businesses, which you will need to visit if you want to continue to operate them. With one in Virginia City, we will have another reason to visit. Another big point is that I want time to spend with Jacob. I want to help guide him as he grows to be a man."

"Adam, we have to be clear on something. I don't think that he is your son. He could be, but it was only one time for us."

"As I mentioned, two of the greatest hours I ever spent on this earth. You knew I would remember that when you showed up in that blue dress."

"Adam, shush! I'm trying to be serious here. It is more likely that Tom is Jacob's father. Will that bother you?"

"No when we're married, he will be my son."

Ann started to cry and Adam pulled her into his shoulder. They just sat in that comfortable embrace for a time. Ann's tears dried and she snuggled in closer.

"This is nice." Her sultry voice got to him every time.

"Woman you don't know what you are doing to me, and I can't do anything about it."

"Oh, I do know. Perhaps soon we can do something about it."

They both laughed at the licentious grin Adam sported after that statement.

A soft knock came at the door. Ann rose and opened the door to Ben and Joe both cleaned up from the drive and the travel and wearing nearly identical sheepish looks. They had talked in their room about how nervous they were about seeing Adam. Joe said it was like going before the schoolteacher when you knew you had been caught being bad. Ben had laughed and said Joe had a lot more experience than anyone with that.

"Well come on in. You both look like naughty boys caught and facing the music."

Ben and Joe couldn't help it. Both started laughing, and Joe's hysterical giggle soon had them all laughing.

"Now I know what you mean. You told me that it was next to impossible not to laugh when you heard Joe laugh, and you were probably the only one who had ever managed it. I don't have that iron will of yours, and that laugh is more infectious than I could have imagined."

Adam invited his father and brother to be seated. They asked how he was doing and he was happy to report all the improvements he was feeling. Gradually, the conversation lagged and Ben knew it was their turn.

"Adam, we need to ask your forgiveness. We …"

"You're forgiven."

"What? That easy? We have been talking for days about what me and Pa have to tell you we're sorry for and you just say we are forgiven."

"Yes. You're sorry and that's all anyone needs to be forgiven. It's over and we need to move forward now. Ann and I have some plans we want to tell you about. We're happy and we hope you'll be happy for us too."

Adam and Ann then began to talk about what they had discussed. Ben and Joe both were delighted to find that Adam, who frankly was looking like he wasn't the marrying kind was finally going to be a married man. There were questions and answers, and hours passed. Finally, Adam said he was hungry and could they please get some meals in from the restaurant. And then Ben knew it was all going to be all right. It wasn't the way he would have preferred but his family was together again, and his sons were men who deserved his respect.

That night, Ben and Joe read the journal. Shocked to find that Adam had been married and returning home only to be waylaid by outlaws, grievously wounded, and forced to watch them assault his wife until she died, they had tears reading the journal and could see there were tears that had stained those pages. They didn't know if those were Adam's tears or if Ann or Hoss had shed them but the story deserved them. The rest of the journal was Adam relentless search for the men responsible after he had recovered from his injury after being rescued by a party of Shoshoni.

Adam returned to the Ponderosa at his family's insistence. Ann rented a small house in town and brought Jacob to live with her. The next few months passed peacefully as Adam and his family became reacquainted and he shared more of what happened to him in those years he had been gone. Adam and Ann spent time together when work did not interfere and made plans for a wedding. Unknown to all of them, Tom Burns had found out about Ann and Adam and suspected that Adam had fathered Jacob as well. He had faked his own death to shift the blame to his wife. Who would know who was buried in his clothing after several days buried in that shallow grave in that damp mine. He had fooled his wife, Ann, Adam, and the sheriff, collected his money, and enjoyed his life. Now however his only thought was revenge on the woman and the man that in his twisted mind he thought had wronged him.


End file.
